When the Republican party suffered its disastrous (though long overdue) comeuppance at the ballot box in November ’06, I knew what the voters were saying. They were telling the Republicans, in no uncertain terms, that they wanted more Trent Lott. Thankfully, Republican senators heeded the country’s anguished cry and returned Trent Lott to a position of leadership and the prominence he had lost when he publicly praised a wizened segregationist specifically for his segregationist policies. Once again, we Republicans are forced to contemplate a Lott-less future. This time, it’s even worse. Last time at least, Lott remained in the senate where his silky baritone and voracious appetite for pork provided a reassuring presence. This time, the United States government will have to trundle on without Trent Lott, who is apparently K Street bound where great riches await. There will be a lot to miss about Senator Lott: The even-handed way he dealt out wasteful government projects to the entire country, the solid way he anchored the Singing Senators, the way he served as a veritable poster-child for political smarminess. But what I’ll miss most is his hair. Aah, that wonderful, impenetrable helmet of a head of hair. I think it would make a moving tribute to the outgoing Senator if conservatives everywhere adopted the helmet-head look for at least a fortnight. As the image accompanying this post shows, the look will flatter virtually all men. Tell me Justin Timberlake couldn’t bring the sexy back even more effectively than he already has if he ditched his trendy ‘do and made like Trent. It’s true that Trent Lott is leaving us. But must his hair leave us as well?
