It was only a matter of time before Hollywood went after Donald Trump, and just in time for his yuuge win in New Hampshire, Funny or Die brings us Donald Trump’s The Art of the Deal: The Movie.
The 50-minute parody is premised as a film written by, directed by, and starring Donald J. Trump, based on his best-selling book. The film, we’re told by director Ron Howard, never aired because of Monday Night Football. Howard says the Browns and Colts, erroneously, played a terrible game where scoring comprised only of safeties and preempted Trump’s film. Because of this, Trump supposedly refused to air the TV movie and it was wrestled by Howard from an old woman at a garage sale.
And now, we get to see it for the first time. Interestingly, this parody tale sort of mirrors the true story of the Trump Documentary that the Donald fought so hard to keep off of the air around the same time.
A young child (repeatedly replaced mid-film by Trump, insinuating he is a racist) steals a copy of The Art of the Deal at Trump Tower and ends up in his office to hide from a security guard. The story revolves around Trump’s obsession with the Taj Mahal (both the real one and the casino), and his plan to purchase the Atlantic City casino from entertainer Merv Griffin, portrayed by comedian Patton Oswalt.
The film is funny and well-shot. Looking at it, one might assume it was filmed on an Instagram camera (if such things exist) to give it that 1980’s feel. Though even the most ardent Trump hater would not likely pay to see the film, it is both bizarre and spectacular. Replete with cameos by well known actors, I spent much of the film dumbfounded that the man depicting Donald Trump was, in fact, Johnny Depp. Depp’s Trump impression needs a little work, but the make up and hand gestures are on point.
The film highlights a bunch of Trump’s cringeworthy moments in fairly accurate detail. One such occasion is when Trump meets a homeless man (portrayed by Jason Mantzoukas of F/X’s The League) on the street and offers him money to pee inside his property at 100 Central Park South (later Trump Parc East.) It’s a highlight of a fabled Trump battle with rent-controlled tenants occupying an aging building at a stellar location.
Another scene depicts the construction of Trump Tower, where Donald lives and works to this day. The film briefly highlights the escapade where Trump made (and quickly reneged on) a promise to preserve the limestone reliefs in the soon-to-be-destructed Bonwit Teller & Company building and give them to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. The scene comically shows a construction worker (no mention of the illegal immigrants used to build it) taking a jackhammer to the relief.
In an over-the-top bit, Trump makes his longtime architect Der Scutt (portrayed by Jack McBrayer from 30 Rock) do a Nazi salute in front of his Jewish lawyer and the child pseudo-protagonist; it’s really about Trump. The film has Trump suggest Scutt is a Nazi given his name, despite his age and having been born in Pennsylvania. Scutt defends himself saying “Hitler was a terrible man.” Not so subtly, Depp as Trump responds: “Ahh, leave him alone!”
The problem with the film, and why it won’t likely do anything other than entertain those who already oppose Trump’s candidacy, is that there’s no clear line marking what’s real and what isn’t. And a lot of it is real.
Because it’s set in the 1980s, ALF makes an appearance in the film as Donald Trump’s best man during his first wedding to Ivana. In addition, Kenny Loggins was tapped to write a ballad for the movie. The fake credits say the song “The Art of the Deal” was written by Donald J. Trump and performed by Kenny Loggins, but adds “(Though Donald J. Trump could have performed it better).” Another gem from the fake credits is this line: “Some animals were harmed during the making of this sensational TV movie and it was totally worth it.”
As a warning, the film is vulgar and not likely appropriate for delicate ears. You can watch the whole thing below:
