If you?re going to write a column called “Single in the City,” it helps to know something about the subject matter.
And I do. I?m 43, never been married because I?m not in the market for a future ex-Mrs. Collins. My female platonic friends (and they are legion) tell me I?m picky. For me, as the late Charlie Eckman used to say, it?s a very simple game. I want a woman who is intelligent without arrogance, funny without being (too) vulgar, compassionate without being maudlin and beautiful without the stain of vanity.
Clearly, that?s too much to ask, or I wouldn?t be qualified to write this column. However, hope, like grapes before Tantalus, were dangled before men like me when the U.S. Census Bureau reported that the ratio of men to women in Maryland is among the lowest in the nation.
As Al Pacino in “Scent of A Woman” would now intone, “Hoo-ha!” Needless to say, I was shocked not to find a large pile of single women with attributes prized by the superficial man stacked on my welcome mat the next morning.
Could it be that women aren?t as desperate as the numbers would indicate? I decided to ask my friend Joan Allen, noted relationship expert and matchmaker, what gives?
“Back in the ?80s, researchers reported that a single woman over the age of 40 had a better chance of getting hit by a terrorist?s bullet than getting married. When I heard that, I went into a tailspin. But then I decided to make my life as full as possible and not worry about statistics. There are ways to celebrate singleness, and I wanted to help other people do the same thing,” she said.
OK, so Joan got all inspired and wrote a book, “Celebrating Single and Getting Love Right: From Stalemate to Soulmate,” spreading the news that single women can get a dog and pursue a passion like origami or something rather than date me. But surely other women, quaking in light of the federal government?s damning report that Maryland, unlike Mars, needs men, will be waiting by the phone for me and my single brethren to call!
“You can?t take any number to heart. You have to make your own life, and I wouldn?t pay attention to any silly census numbers,” said Laurie Katerle, who came to Baltimore two years ago to help establish the new Wegman?s in Hunt Valley. As someone new to the area, had she experienced problems meeting men?
“Not really. But finding the perfect soulmate is difficult, even in a place where there?s an abundance of men. Your life is what you make it, and if you?re going to sit at home or just go to the same place all the time, it will be hard to meet someone,” she said.
So, like Sheryl Crow sang, “It?s not having what you want, it?s wanting what you?ve got.” Male or female, be happy with your life by making it your own. Pursue your passions. Network, volunteer, and pamper yourself. Take a trip somewhere other than Ocean City. And if you?re a Gillian Anderson clone, give me a call.
A Baltimore native, Dan Collins is a 43-year-old single, public relations professional.
