Last week, our onstage “Idol” friends came through with some fine performances — or so I first thought. After a few great numbers during the show’s “classics” week with Tony Bennett, it occurred to me that Bubbles the Monkey could take a stab at these timeless ditties, and as long as he could carry half a tune, I’d still be diggin’ it like a miner. (And if by chance Bubbles’ services are committed elsewhere, we’ve always got Sanjaya.)
Blake Lewis, 25
» Bothell, Wash.
Last week: “Mack the Knife” Grade: A-
Today’s question: April shower or flower? Shower. Cool and refreshing, Blake washes away the other singers’ stagnant pools of uninspired performances.
Vegas says: 4/1 (from Bodog.com)
Turn up or tune out? This “Idol” hipster lacks the pipes to mingle with the elite, but his unique style is appealing. Turn up.
Melinda Doolittle, 29
» Brentwood, Tenn.
Last week: “I Got Rhythm” Grade: A
April shower or flower? Flower. Melinda is already in full, beautiful bloom — but was it too early?
Vegas says: 3/2
Turn up or tune out? It would be a crime (but only a misdemeanor, let’s not get crazy) if Melinda doesn’t win this competition. Turn up.
Chris Richardson, 22
» Chesapeake, Va.
Last week: “Don’t Get Around Much Anymore” Grade: B+
April shower or flower? Flower. On his most colorful days, Chris is fun to watch.
Vegas says: 20/1
Turn up or tune out? Like a kid riding a pony at the fair, let’s enjoy Chris’ efforts while we can before it starts getting old. Turn up.
Jordin Sparks, 17
» Glendale, Ariz.
Last week: “On a Clear Day” Grade: C
April shower or flower? Shower. Jordin’s vanilla, edgy-as-a-tennis-ball performances area musical wet blanket.
Vegas says: 2/1
Turn up or tune out? Pass the Tylenol, please: Jordin fever is giving me a headache. Tune out.
LaKisha Jones, 27
» Fort Meade, Md.
Last week: “Stormy Weather” Grade: A-
April shower or flower? Flower. We’re furiously watering this sagging blossom, hoping she will return to her former beauty and brilliance.
Vegas says: 5/1
Turn up or tune out? A great book with a dull cover, LaKisha’s powerhouse chops are hidden by growingly distant, chilly demeanor. Turn up.
Phil Stacey, 29
» Jacksonville, Fla.
Last week: “Night and Night” Grade: B+
April shower or flower? Shower. Judges threw cold water on a performance that I thought was in keeping with some of his improved recent showings.
Vegas says: 35/1
Turn up or tune out? Bonus points that Tony Bennett (who must be losing his hearing) said that this extraterrestrial is “one of the better singers I’ve heard … for a long time.” So, that puts Phil’s score at 3 out of 100. E.T., phone home. Tune out.
Sanjaya Malakar, 17
» Federal Way, Wash.
Last week: “Cheek to Cheek” Grade:D-
April shower or flower? Flower. A delicate and gentle blossom, Sanjaya is so ill-matched against the harsh elements of the world that we want to offer him shelter. Charles Darwin would not be pleased.
Vegas says: 8/1
Turn up or tune out? Sanjaya needs to get worse to get better. But this ballerina still has some spring in her step. Turn up.
Haley Scarnato, 24
» San Antonio, Texas
Last week: “Ain’t Misbehavin’ ”
Grade: C-
April shower or flower? Flower. While pretty to look at, this dandelion needs to bepulled.
Vegas says: 50/1
Turn up or tune out? The good news: Less contestants means less clothes for Haley. Dance, Legs, dance! (No, don’t sing.) Tune out.
‘American Idol’
» 8 to 9 p.m., Fox
Sanjaya “Welcome To My Universe” Malakar is an unstoppable, tone-deaf freight train at this point. When will he leave? Tonight, singer/actress/mogul Jennifer Lopez comes to “Idol” to coach the remaining eight finalists.
– Zap2It.com
Each week, Scott Fuller breaks down the sinkers and swimmers on “American Idol.” Sound off: [email protected]
