Every human being needs to feel connected — attached — to other human beings around them. The quality of the early bonds children form with adults in their world will affect every relationship they’ll have for the rest of their lives.
Sadly, some children never get the love they need to grow into healthy, empathetic, trusting people. As they grow, they form their own protective shield to keep out the rest of the world. They have no trust in others, and their behavior often turns self-destructive and even criminal.
What ails this unfortunate group now has a name: reactive attachment disorder. It’s a fairly new addition to the American Psychiatric Association’s book that lists every recognized psychiatric disorder known to man — The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.
The professionals discovered that young children who fail to form meaningful bonds, those who display early aggression and anti-social behaviors, often grow up to be sociopaths and turn to lives of crime.
“If you see a serial killer, chances are very strong they were a RAD kid,” says Jay Pullen, executive director of The Attachment Healing Center in Albuquerque, N.M. He mentions convicted Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh as likely being a RAD sufferer.
Pullen says it’s fairly easy to diagnose RAD children, as they often display a wide range of similar behaviors: setting fires, making violent threats, smearing feces, killing animals or stealing food as a way to combat their early memories of being left hungry. All these behaviors are designed to repel other people so they can more comfortably retreat into their solitary shell.
Pullen is quick to say RAD is not a lifetime curse; there are successful ways to treat these kids. All it takes is time, money and the determination to help.
States from New Mexico to Missouri, from California to New York are desperately searching for ways to lessen the plight of neglected children. The motivation was perfectly captured in this quote from former Chief Justice Kathleen Blatz of Minnesota’s Supreme Court: “The difference between that poor child and a felon is about eight years.”
According to the Children’s Defense Fund, record numbers of kids are shuffled between foster homes these days or are reported to be victims of emotional and sexual abuse. If parents are depressed or angry or addicted, it’s likely their children aren’t getting the nurturing they need.
You may think you’re not affected by reactive attachment disorder, but Pullen says nothing could be further from the truth. Your tax dollars go to deal with RAD kids once they enter the justice or adoption system.
Pioneering in-house treatments have been devised to help willing parents learn the most effective way to deal with these self-sabotaging children. One mother of a RAD child had to learn to ignore her daughter’s chilling notes. One the girl taped to the foot of her bed read, “I’m going to slash your throat with a butcher knife.”
Instead of reacting negatively to that as she tucked in the child, the mother learned to say instead: “Yes, I see that. Now, hop into bed. We have to get you off to school in the morning.”
That kind of statement acknowledges the youngster’s message but reinforces trust by presenting the idea that parent and child are part of a team.
The experts on RAD say it all comes down to neurologically rewiring these kids to break their bad behavior cycles. In cases where parents are at the crux of the problem, RAD therapists recommend removing the children to a more nurturing environment. Foster and adoptive parents are often these kids’ best hope.
We ignore these troubled children at our own peril. If we don’t help them assimilate now, they could come back to grab our attention in much more serious and dangerous ways.
Examiner Columnist Diane Dimond is a nationally syndicated columnist with Creators Syndicate.
