It’s OK to be nontraditional
It’s more than humbug.
Holiday depression, blues, funk — call it what you will — is real enough. It’s as real as the death of a loved one and his or her absence at the dinner table. It’s as real as a change for the worst in a person’s finances or friendships.
And when retailers start pushing old-fashioned images of perfect families enjoying perfect Christmases, it’s as real as the worst timing possible.
“It is a recognized condition where some people really find it to be an emotionally distressing time of year,” says Dr. Lois Krahn, chairwoman of the Department of Psychiatry and Psychology at Mayo Clinic in Arizona.
In some cases, it’s family dynamics. Sibling rivalry, for instance, can simmer for 11 months only to hit a boiling point right around the time dinner is served. In other cases, it can be sadness over the lack of family.
In either situation, there are some ways to dodge the blues blitzkrieg.
If hosting the family get-together promises more strain than good cheer, one remedy is to do it at a remote location. Krahn suggests taking the holiday to a destination hotel that puts on a nice holiday spread. It costs money, but it has its paybacks.
» To help get connected with holiday options such as volunteering or even just seeing a movie, Dr. Lois Krahn suggests doing your research ahead of time, not on the holiday itself. “In the days before the holidays … pick up the paper and see what’s going on in the community,” she says.
“In the case of some families, it’s a cramped apartment where people are on top of each other. That doesn’t bring out the best in each other,” Krahn says. “Psychologically, are you getting to the issues? No. But you are finding a way to spend time together, adopting some new ground rules and at least having the opportunities to build some new relationships.”
“In the case of some families, it’s a cramped apartment where people are on top of each other. That doesn’t bring out the best in each other,” Krahn says. “Psychologically, are you getting to the issues? No. But you are finding a way to spend time together, adopting some new ground rules and at least having the opportunities to build some new relationships.”
For those apart from family, Krahn encourages them to make a plan to not be entirely solitary on the holiday. Consider having dinner with a friend or stepping out to see a movie.
Helping others who are in an obvious funk can start with simply asking what they have planned for the holidays. The question can open the door to encouraging them to connect with someone or something.
“Try to gently prod the person into coming up with some plan,” Krahn says. “Not just waking up that morning and saying, ‘Here I go. What do I do now?’ ”
And when a solution is found, it’s important to respect alternative ways of celebrating the holiday, she says.
“If somebody would rather go for a hike in the mountains or go to a movie, let’s be accepting of all the different ways these days can be utilized to celebrate.”
Joe Tougas has written for The Blueroad Reader, Minnesota State University TODAY and Static magazine.
