We learned an important “American Idol” lesson last week, class, for those paying attention and who didn’t already know: “Idol” isn’t just about the music. Simon has frequently said as much (except for when it’s convenient for him to change his mind during sappy song dedications — and then flip-flop again by commenting on the color of LaKisha’s sweater).
Sanjaya and Antonella Barba are both still kickin’ because their awfulness is trumped by something more important: recognition. Sometimes it’s better to be noticed for the wrong reasons than not to be noticed at all. (Just ask the four shleps who got bounced last week.)
This is all excellent news for the guys, because the second thing we learned is that they’re far less talented than the women.
Sanjaya Malakar, 17
» Federal Way, Wash.
Listen close (literally and figuratively): Sanjaya’s sugary-sweet voice isn’t terrible. It’s at times rather pleasant. But the Lil’ Lollipop has the charisma and stage presence of a folding chair. Can a better example be provided for the value of onstage confidence and showmanship?
Turn up or tune out? Sanjaya is so bad his chances are good. Turn up.
Chris Richardson, 22
» Chesapeake, Va.
Chris remains a Scott Fuller favorite. His song choice, “Geek in the Pink,” just sounds from its title like a fun one, doesn’t it? Chris’ decision to chuck hokey sentimentalism during dedication week and stick with his bread and butter seemed inappropriate —but the judges ate it up.
Turn up or tune out? Chris did not improve from week one. He’ll need to change it up to keep his schtick fresh. (And funky fresh.) Turn up.
Blake Lewis, 25
» Bothell, Wash.
Blake’s performance of “Virtual Insanity” (great song!) was by no means original but by all means awesome. The beat-boxing? B-minus. And yes, Randy, we have heard of Jamiroquai.
Turn up or tune out? The best male showing of the week bumped Blake up into a dead heat for Best Male Performer. (An honor similar to Most Articulate Caveman.) Turn up.
Chris Sligh, 28
» Greenville, S.C.
Chris coasted through yet another round because of his affable personality and capable chops. His above-average but not-even-close-to-memorable performance sounded a lot better on the radio the next morning.
Turn up or tune out? Chris can keep chugging along for awhile, but eventually he’ll need to shift to a higher gear. Turn up.
Jared Cotter, 25
» Kew Gardens, N.Y.
Jared lost major points last week for a smelly performance of Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On.” Jared can lean on popular R&B songs only until fans realize he’s making a mess of them.
Turn up or tune out? Jared has one more chance to redeem himself before he gets demoted to the minors. Tune out.
Brandon Rogers, 28
» Hollywood
Simon may have really laid into Brandon last week, but sappy sensitivity carries weight with amenable voters. What doesn’t carry weight: a mediocre performance.
Turn up or tune out? Like Jared, he needs to step it up, and fast. Brandon’s chances now seem a fraction better. Tune out.
Phil Stacey, 29
» Jacksonville, Fla.
Unlikable Phil picked a likable song in “I Ain’t Missing You,” raising his stock from utterly deplorable to plain old despised. If you find yourself warming to him, recall his daughter asking where her dad was on the day of her birth. (Newborns commonly inquire about this, you know.)
Turn up or tune out? The good news: At least Phil didn’t wear that ridiculous cocked hat. The bad news: He’ll now need a new reason to avoid spending time with his family. Tune out.
Sundance Head
» Porter, Texas
Everyone was so overjoyed with the fact that Sundance stopped stinking with “Mustang Sally” that it was momentarily forgotten that for every single week prior, he had been — to repeat — stinking. But there’s nothing like another rotten performance to jar people’s memories.
Turn up or tune out? The end of the line. A funny name and a funny beard can carry a man only so far. Tune out.
Watch it
» American Idol
8 to 9 p.m., Fox
The remaining eight guys sing for judges Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson — as well as for you, America. – Zap2It.com
Each week, Scott Fuller breaks down the sinkers and swimmers on “American Idol.” Sound off: [email protected].
