From the journal of Pfc. Bryan Nicholas Spry, Delta Company 1-504, 82nd Airborne Division of the United States Army, Fort Bragg in Fayetteville, N.C. Excerpts edited only for length; they appear exactly as written.
» Jan. 3, 2004
I don?t know how to feel and I don?t know what to say. I am going to war. What do you tell people, above all Mom, Dad and Mike. I?m coming home, I?ll be all right. They know that, but still there?s that fear and the pain in the pit of your stomach of their son not making it home. I can?t tell them I am not going to see danger. Jesus, I am in the infantry. That?s all we do is see danger. I try to keep Mom calm, but that?s almost impossible. Should I upgrade my “I Love You?s” or do they all know it? I miss them somuch. What will happen when I leave? Will they be OK? Who will help Grams with salt or Nana?s pancakes? Who will take care of Jaz when no one?s over there? … Who will be that voice in the back saying “Come on Mike” when he?s playing? Who will pick him up when the game?s gone wrong? Who will look in his eyes and tell exactly how he?s feeling? Who will be there at 5:30 calling in geese or in the stand helping? Who will he call early or late and say “I got a monster, hoss? [Mike is Spry?s older brother.]
There are so many questions going through my mind. I am going to be at war with the enemy unafraid to kill themselves but afraid to fight face to face. I know all of my family is strong. … I just hope no one forgets about me, but here I go face-first into the Army war and everything I ever wanted. Do I have what it takes to survive and bring all our boys home? How will I feel when I get home knowing I killed and have seen war? How will I fit in with the rest of the world when I have done things they could never even imagine? I will pray and hope that God will take care of my family and friends when I am gone. … Now the boots are on, and they won?t stop until I?m in hell ? Baghdad. God take care of me and my boys and above most, my family. I love you all.
» Jan. 5
Me and Dad never saw eye to eye but now we?ve come into a peace. … There?s no one else like him. I love him to death. How I will say bye is beyond me, but I know he knows. … Getting nervous.
» Jan. 12
I had to say good-bye to all family. I didn?t know what to say but it?ll be all right and I am coming home. When I said good-bye to Lee [Spry?s girlfriend] it was a new kind of hurt. Leaving Mike was unspeakable. I am waiting for the call to get on the bird. I feel lost in myself. … I am going to hell, the worst place imaginable but still I find myself at peace with family and God. I have a mission, and it is to free the world of terror. It?ll be done, and I?ll come home. But for now, next stop ? Baghdad. “God be with us all.”
» Jan. 14
We came to Balad, Iraq, 70 miles north of Baghdad at Camp Anaconda and it seems peaceful. We have Iraqis working for us everywhere. I am hesitant around parked vehicles. It?s cool but not cold, very flat. At night you hear the “thump, thump” of Black Hawks and the engines of jets flying and landing. Tomorrow we are taking a C-5 to Baghdad, where hell will be waiting.
» Jan. 16
There?s some things in life you can?t speak of or write and above all you don?t want to remember. I will write nothing more than a timeline. Events that happened I will not write, and I pray they will stay here. Right now, Iraq is in the middle of its rainy season. … I miss my family so much. There?s no telling how long I will be here. I am scared to call home for it may make things worse. … I can?t keep my mind off Lee. I just want to hold her and tell her how much I love her, but every day that goes by is closer to getting home. Things have happened, things I pray I can forget … please don?t ask me questions of what I?ve done.
» Jan. 20
Getting ready for a mission. It?s an important one. It?s said to be a raid. We are going after some key people we?ve been looking for. … I wanna call home but I know it will make it harder. We just got briefed on our mission. My God, this mission is a big one. I?m nervous but ready. … I keep seeing family and Lee flash before my eyes. I pray I?m coming home, but nights like this you find yourself doubtful. … I feel like a little baby here. New and confident [like] everyone else, but some have seen combat. But still they respect me for what I?ve done and seen. I wish I was there to help my family. … I got to make it.
» Jan. 22
I feel sorry for the Iraqi people but you can?t trust any of them.
» Jan. 25
God, I am so tired. The missions just keep stacking up. Haven?t had much sleep. I don?t know how to cope with things. I have talked to God, and I feel at peace. … You are scared shitless, not knowing where the next bomb is or where they will pop out at you. What makes things hard is I am out here going through hell, and your friends and civilians don?t even stop to think about us. They just go on with their lives, which is fine, I just wish people understood what?s going on. Today is the Super Bowl, and I am not there with family to watch it. It?s hard to accept things taken from you, but I don?t regret my decision to defend this country.
» Jan. 26
Mission [has] been bumped up 24 hours. It?s a continuous search. I got a funny feeling about this. I don?t know why but I pray all goes well. We?re gonna prep and train all day for tomorrow. I will write soon, but time is gonna be long. “Make us swift and strong.”
» Jan. 27
My section got hit with a IED. … 1st Lieutenant Feldman had shrapnel in the arm. Blast was big. … It was thankfully detonated backwards so the blast went away from the truck. 2 others were killed in a nearby area. I feel horrible and sick.
» Jan. 30
Went out to provide security and tape record the mosque. Still again a lot of gunfire. This place is so shitty. There is so much trash, and it stinks so bad. It?s horrible outside the wire.
» Jan. 31
Finally got a day off. We still easily can be called out. Just gonnaclean and be chilled. Got pictures of Lee. Starting to get mail. That?s about it. I will write soon. I can?t wait to get home and get plenty of whiskey.
» Feb. 8
We went out on a top mission around 03:00. … It was to be a raid on target houses outside of a mosque. We went after the preacher and several others involved in attacks against coalition forces. We seized and captured several people but the preacher was not found. We went out on a third mission at 17:00 to tape record a meeting that intelligence said the preacher would be at. … The mission was very successful. Everyone made it back unharmed. I hear that we are packing up at the end of March but I think that is doubtful ? probably just rumors.
» Feb. 13
It?s been a while since I wrote. … We received information on a cache of rockets so we are gonna go out and look for them. It?s starting to get warmer. Haven?t talked to Lee in a while. I talk to Mom often. It?s not too bad here. It?s halfway enjoyable. I miss home most. … Well, I will write when I get a chance.
Bryan Nicholas Spry, of Chestertown, died as a result of a Humvee rollover accident while on patrol in Bagdad. He died on Feb. 14, 2004, just two months after his 19th birthday.
