This week’s dinner special: an order of tasty crow pie for our resident “American Idol” critic. Why? Because two of the lowest-ranked contestants on the Scott Fuller Scoreboard — and perennial targets for my low-blow cannon — pulled off two of last week’s highest-rated performances.
And for that, may Gina and Phil appreciate a moment of congratulations, to bask in their time of fleeting glory. Well done.
But this week, friends, reality returns. What have these plucky performers, these gluttons for punishment, won with their successes?
One more week of quasi-journalistic derision.
Gina Glocksen, 22
» Naperville, Ill.
Gina’s performance of “I’ll Stand by You” was very good — in fact, the only good effort she’s produced thus far. I’ll need to chat with our crack team of Examiner statisticians about whether Gina’s most recent score can be thrown out as a statistical anomaly.
Turn up or tune out? As my illustrious father is fond of saying, “Even a blind squirrel finds an acorn once in a while.” Tune out. Vegas says: 30/1 (courtesy Bodog.com).
Phil Stacey, 29
» Jacksonville, Fla.
Guest Gwen Stefani wasn’t the only one shocked by Phil’s strong rendition of “Every Breath You Take” by The Police. Like Gina, Phil had his one shining moment last week — leaving his “Idol” future as bright as the dark side of the moon.
Turn up or tune out? At times, Phil’s vocals aren’t terrible. But open your eyes and egad! It’s a giant earthworm singing. Tune out. Vegas says: 35/1.
Melinda Doolittle, 29
» Brentwood, Tenn.
I worry that like my weekly comments about Melinda, Melinda’s performances will soon lose their luster because you always know what’s coming. But each week we’re pleased: What’s wrong with expecting greatness and having your expectations matched?
Turn up or tune out? Melinda is running away with this thing. Turn up. Vegas says: 4/5.
LaKisha Jones, 27
» Fort Meade, Md.
Ah, how the mighty have fallen. LaKisha’s effort, “Last Dance” by Donna Summer, was fairly impressive, but this rocket has lost its fuel.
Turn up or tune out? LaKisha needs a serious misstep by Melinda to hang tight in this competition. Turn up. Vegas says: 5/1.
Jordin Sparks, 17
» Glendale, Ariz.
Every year some new, bizarre fashion trend develops, and inevitably someone will eventually — and rightly — ask, “Is it me, or is this completely ridiculous?” Rather than the praise everyone’s throwing at Jordin, tomatoes might be more appropriate.
Turn up or tune out? Last week’s “Hey Baby” was a disaster. The only ears Americans must have are the kind you grow on a farm and bring to Thanksgiving dinner. Tune out. Vegas says: 5/2.
Chris Richardson, 22
» Chesapeake, Va.
“Don’t Speak” is a song I really like; Chris is a performer I really like. But I wouldn’t recommend an ice cream and baked beans sundae, even if each is yummy on its own.
Turn up or tune out? Chris’ schedule is looking set: a prolonged run that won’t last the full duration. Turn up. Vegas says: 25/1.
Blake Lewis, 25
» Bothell, Wash.
Blake’s off-kilter, mellow performances are like a few glasses of champagne: You’re a couple steps from falling fast asleep and a couple more from the night of your life.
Maybe that’s why Blake’s exciting and different; maybe that’s why Simon called him the front-runner of the gents.
Turn up or tune out? The TV show “Lost” is exciting and different, too — but if you could choose only one, is this really the cheese that should stand alone? Turn up.
Vegas says: 4/1.
Haley Scarnato, 24
» San Antonio, Texas
If Haley had vocal chops to match her stems, then maybe she could fight the good fight here. That instance notwithstanding, she’s a hapless cow being lowered into a pit of “Jurassic Park” velociraptors.
Turn up or tune out? Someone, please put us out of Haley’s misery. (Or is it, please put Haley out of our misery?) No matter: This week, she’s shipped deep into the heart of Texas. Tune out.Vegas says: 50/1.
Sanjaya Malakar, 17
» Federal Way, Wash.
Sanjaya is walking a fine line here: a line even sharper than the peculiarmohawk he wore on stage last week. That initial moment — that pause of collective viewer shock and then uncontrolled laughter — is worth its weight in “Idol” gold. After that, the rest is so, so painful.
Turn up or tune out? For the first time, I feel Sanjaya’s appeal wearing thin. It is with trepidation, then, that I cast my yay vote for one more week. Turn up. Vegas says: 25/1.
‘American Idol’
» 8 to 9 p.m., Fox
The nine remaining finalists — including faux-hawk lover Sanjaya Malakar, who is inexplicably still on the show — compete after being “mentored” by legendary crooner Tony Bennett. – Zap2It.com
Each week, Scott Fuller breaks down the sinkers and swimmers on “American Idol.” Sound off: [email protected].
