News fairly unbalanced. We report. You decipher
Actor Ed Norton, the Earth Hour 2009 U.S. Ambassador, today announced that, in addition to ordering all citizens and businesses to extinguish lights at 8:30 Saturday night, he has also signed an “ambassador order” calling for all clocks to move ahead one hour each night for the rest of the Obama administration.
“Each time we spring ahead an hour, we bypass 60 minutes during which vast quantities of carbon would have been belched into the atmosphere by coal-fired plants,” said Norton. “Under this plan, the Earth will be spared from more than 2,800 hours worth of carbon emissions during President Obama’s first two terms alone.”
The ambassador said Earth Hour embassy staff members have “gone above and beyond the call of duty to set an example for the rest of the nation. We’ve been walking around in the dark for months now. We’re committed to saving the planet from the global warming scourge which is currently masquerading as a decade-long cooling trend.”
Norton, who is not related to the sewer worker of the same name in Jackie Gleason’s TV show “The Honeymooners,” likened the Earth Hour observance to the Civil Rights March on Selma, which coincidentally happened 44 years ago to the month.
While Earth Hour is expected to pack all the symbolic punch of the Selma march, Norton said he hopes police won’t react against participants with billy clubs, tear gas and bull whips.
“We’re especially concerned about the tear gas,” he said, “because it’s nearly as bad for the Earth’s atmosphere as carbon dioxide.”
Examiner columnist Scott Ott is editor-in-chief of ScrappleFace.com, the family-friendly news satire site, and anchor of ScrappleFace Network News (SNN), seen on YouTube.
