“Saturday Night Live” hit all the highlights of this week’s final presidential debate, with a cold opening in which Donald Trump promised but failed to deliver a calm and controlled debate performance and Hillary Clinton pledged to be a “Stone Cold B” for America.
“I’m going to start this debate in the quietest voice possible. In the past I have been big and loud but tonight I am a sweet little baby Trump,” said Alex Baldwin, returning to the roll of the businessman-turned-Republican nominee.
But that didn’t last long with Trump yelling, “They are ripping babies out of vaginas!” in the response to very first question on reproductive rights.
“I’m glad you raised this topic because what two better people are there to talk about women’s issues,” responded Kate McKinnon’s Hillary Clinton. “Me a woman who has had a child and has taken birth control, and him, a man who is a child and whose face is birth control.”
The moderator, Fox News’ Chris Wallace, portrayed by Tom Hanks, was a good, if not cheeky, sport to the candidates.
When Baldwin told the audience that he is the most respectful person to women in the world, Wallace had to address all of humanity, caught in an uproar, to get them to calm down.
“Settle down entire planet,” Wallace said.
Speaking on immigration, Trump warned of the threat of “very bad hombres” coming across the border, which prompted Clinton to yell “Bingo!” To prove it, she pulled out a “Trump Bingo” board which also included “rapists,” “Miss Piggy,” “They’re all living in hell” and “If she wasn’t my daughter…” all crossed off in a row.
Clinton also displayed her mastery of the “pivot” in turning a question about the WikiLeaks email leak that has been dogging her campaign into a discussion about Trump’s controversial treatment of women.
“Thank you for bringing up my emails Chris, and I’m very happy to clarify what was in some of them,” said Clinton, before feigning distraction and looking away to the side. “What Carol?,” she said before turning back. “Sorry I thought I heard my friend Carol. Anyway back to your question about the way that Donald treats women.” Then, looking directly at the camera, Clinton says, “And that is how you pivot,” while putting her hands out and twisting from side to side.
“So you’re just never going to answer a question about your emails?” Wallace asked.
“No, but it was very cute to watch you try,” Clinton replied.
Wallace also got Trump to admit that he’s probably going to lose, but when asked if he would accept the election’s results, Trump said he’ll wait and see because of a “rigged” election, facilitated by the media for “taking all of the things I say and all of the things that I do and putting them on TV.”
Like in the real event, both candidates were offered a chance to provide closing statements.
“Thank you Chris, and thank you to all my supporters, because of you, I am winning in every single poll taken outside of a Cracker Barrel,” Trump said.
“Listen America, Donald Trump cannot be president,” Clinton said. “He would be a disaster, a failure, a complete ‘F.’ And America, you deserve better than an ‘F.’ So on Nov. 8th, vote for me and I promise I will be a Stone Cold ‘B,’ she concluded with a wink.
“And then on Nov. 9 make sure to check out Trump TV. Your gonna hate it,” Trump said.
