THE GOLD STANDARD
“The only thing more depressing than being here, is being here late at night,” said a 20-something woman sitting at a McDonald’s in Rosslyn just after midnight.
Dressed in a pink skirt and high heels, the woman turned to her friend and added, “I must be drunker than I thought. That’s the only way I’d ever come here.”
She then picked at a pile of fries — but wasn’t impressed
“Gross!” she exclaimed. “Who eats this stuff? I mean really?”
That was the final straw for a man sitting nearby in a flannel shirt and blue jeans.
He walked over to the two women and said, “Listen, if you don’t like it here, you know where to find the door. But I’ll be damned if you criticize these french fries. Everybody knows that they’re the gold standard.”
The man then returned to his table and defiantly stuffed a handful of fries into his mouth.
The women kept their heads down as they quietly shuffled out the door.
THERE’S ALWAYS NEXT YEAR
Four Washingtonians decided to celebrate one of their birthdays at “Screen on the Green,” a screening of movies during summers on the National Mall since 1999.
They were all set. Cupcakes? Check. Smuggled wine? Check. Delivery from Hill Country Barbecue? Check.
But then the announcer mentioned dancing. Huh?
Suddenly the old-school HBO theme song started playing. And thousands of people stood and started waving their hands over their heads maniacally. The foursome later learned “the HBO dance” is a “Screen on the Green” tradition. And although the group totaled about 100 years living in the nation’s capital, none of them had ever heard of it.
It turns out none of them had ever been to “Screen on the Green” before. Horrified, they immediately agreed to start going every week.
A small problem, though: Monday’s showing of “Psycho” was the last film of the season.
COMMUTER PUP
Sarah Tillman, 50, was transferring trains at the Rosslyn Metro station, and weathering an unusually long delay, at that.
Finally, a Blue Line train arrived with enough space for the Falls Church woman. She waited as passengers exited the train, when suddenly she spotted a passenger who didn’t look quite like the other train-travelers: a teacup Yorkie.
Tillman and her fellow previously frustrated travelers ooh-ed and ahh-ed before taking their seats, wondering how the pup had snuck onto the train.
ALL IN THE FAMILY
A young, single District woman decided to attend a speed-dating party.
When she arrived, there were 10 girls to only five guys, one of whom she had met at another speed-dating session.
Afterward, the man — we’ll call him “Marco” — asked if he could contact her professionally, since they were in the same business.
He friended her on Facebook, and she noticed that she and Marco had a friend in common: the woman’s sister.
She called her sister and asked how she knew Marco.
“Oh, we went out a couple of times,” her sister replied. “We met at speed-dating.”
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