Now that Eliot Spitzer’s reign of error has mercifully ended, what can a responsible analyst do but irresponsibly speculate about Spitzer’s future? The most common opinion is that we won’t have Eliot Spitzer to kick around anymore. Spitzer will retire to private life, accept employment at some white-shoe law firm and begin making a couple of million dollars a year defending the kind of people he used to so vigorously prosecute. I don’t think this scenario adds up. First of all, Spitzer’s family has money. Scratch that – Spitzer’s family has MONEY. His father is said to have a net worth in the mid-nine-figure range. What’s more, Spitzer is a rapaciously ambitious guy. Remember, this is a fellow who without remorse persecuted innocent people to further his ambitions. Such a man isn’t going to abandon his dreams just because he had a rough week. He’s more likely to focus every fiber of his being on a comeback, however implausible such a thing may seem at this hour. So how does Eliot Spitzer come back? It’s easy! He’ll drop from the radar for a bit, but soon enough he’ll be popping up on Oprah’s couch lamenting the damage he did and how he let his addiction ruin not just his life, but harm the people he loved the most (most especially himself). Spitzer will doggedly stay on message. He’ll use the terms “addiction” and “disease” with obnoxious frequency. In a separate theatre of operations, Spitzer will devote his life’s work to righting his previous wrongs. I bet he’ll suddenly discover a passion for eradicating the human slave trade, something the left is oddly indifferent to (but shouldn’t be) and relates more than tangentially to the prostitution trade. Spitzer’s wealth, not to mention his ruthlessness, would actually be of great service if he decided to focus his energies on this scourge. After a couple of years of taking trips to Africa and posing for photo-ops with former slaves that he personally delivered from bondage, the media will discover what a wonderful guy the new, humble Eliot Spitzer is. Meanwhile, Spitzer will publish a book that unequivocally expresses his contrition but reminds the reader frequently that an awful disease held him in its grasp. Some time around 2012, there will be a semi-vulnerable NY Republican congressman who lacks a serious opponent. A former celebrity governor who’s willing to toss several million of his own dollars into the race will interest New York’s Democratic party. And Eliot Spitzer will be back in the game.
