Saturday Night Live’s cold open this weekend offered a revised telling of President Joe Biden’s closing midterms address.
Played by SNL cast member James Austin Johnson, Biden warned in a presidential address that his party was going to struggle in this week’s midterm elections, before suggesting Democrats make some last minute changes to win over lost voters. The set appeared to mimic Biden’s setup when he delivered his closing midterm message on Wednesday, which he focused on threats to democracy.
BIDEN DRAWS LINE FROM JAN. 6 TO PAUL PELOSI ATTACK IN PREELECTION DEMOCRACY SPEECH
“My fellow Americans,” Johnson’s Biden began. “This Tuesday, our midterm elections will determine the fate of our democracy and let’s just say: big yikes. What’s going on? I guess the Democrats’ message just isn’t getting through.”
“Plus, I’m over here talking to people who don’t exist, I don’t know much,” he continued before suddenly asking: “Who’s that? Oh, nobody’s there.”
“Well folks, I’m trying like hell, I promise,” Johnson’s Biden then said, adding that he was “on the Peloton every morning, tempting fate.”
Touting one of the president’s top legislative achievements, the SNL cast member then remarked how: “I passed that big a** infrastructure bill, remember that? $65 billion.” The bill, in actuality, was valued at $1.2 trillion. “A lot of you red state types finally got broadband internet,” the fictional Biden then pointed out before making a crude dig at the right-wing conspiracy theories surrounding the violent assault of Paul Pelosi, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s (D-CA) husband.
“By the way, you right-wingers sure do love thinking up these gay little scenarios,” Johnson’s Biden said of the conspiracy theories. “Kind of sus.”
“But listen, folks, that’s the problem: we don’t have any stars anymore. Too many Raphael Warnocks and not enough Herschel Walkers,” Biden then said, shifting focus. “Which is why we’re going to make some last-minute changes before Tuesday with the Democrats who are exciting, got that sizzle.”
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The fictional president then introduced a series of replacement candidates, including wellness guru and 2020 Democratic presidential contender Marianne Williamson to replace Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA), Food Network celebrity Guy Fieri to replace Lt. Gov. John Fetterman (D-PA) in his Senate race against celebrity physician Dr. Mehmet Oz, rapper Tekashi 6ix9ine to go up against JD Vance in the Ohio Senate race, adult film star Stormy Daniels, who alleged an affair with former President Donald Trump in the mid 2000s, to replace Michigan Democratic Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, rapper Azaelia Banks to replace Rep. Val Demings (D-FL) in her Senate race against incumbent Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL), and comedian Tracy Morgan to handle student loan forgiveness.
