After years of badgering, a mom learns she was asking the wrong question

She is a very engaged child, and she seems to be making friends.” The first-grade teacher smiled implacably at me across her desk. It was a parent-teacher conference session more than a dozen years ago, when I was new to the parenting gig and had not yet learned that there are some questions a teacher simply will not answer. “I’m glad to hear it,” I said. “But, again, can you tell me: How does she compare with other children in the quality of her work?”