As if there weren’t enough reasons to skip the weekly results episodes, news broke that those gag-inducing group performances are actually lip-synched.
I’d be offended were I not so turned off already.
Let’s skip the chitchat and get right to the nitty-gritty: Who stays and who goes?
Perhaps you played with your childhood friends the titillating game “Marry, Date or Dump?” (or a cruder version, but this is a family publication). No?
Well let’s play now.
So who has the musical mojo to be my “Idol” betrothed?
Matt Giraud, 23 (Kalamazoo, Mich.)
Matt’s rendition of Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On” hit me in my sweet spot. Great song. What a crime Matt was relegated to the bottom two. Figures, though: I have the curse like Typhoid Mary when it comes to picking my favorites. MARRY.
Allison Iraheta, 16 (Los Angeles)
Allison was blazin’ hot with “Papa was a Rollin’ Stone” to close last week’s show — the strongest effort we’ve seen from her thus far. I officially upgrade my opinion of her from “Skeptical” to “Intrigued.” DATE.
Megan Joy Corkery, 22 (Sandy, Utah)
I like the wrapping but this gift box is empty. Megan’s unique voice has finally strayed from offbeat to off-pitch. She remains for sex appeal alone. DUMP.
Lil Rounds, 23 (Memphis, Tenn.)
Judges skewered Lil for “Heat Wave,” but I didn’t think it was so bad. Lil’s pipes really pack a wallop, no doubt about it. So when is she gonna set the roof on fire? DATE.
Kris Allen, 23 (Conway, Ark.)
Kris returned to Earth last week and is once again cozy in his home of mediocrity. Judges say he is having a nice competition; since when does nice knock anybody’s socks off? DUMP.
Danny Gokey, 28 (Milwaukee)
Danny has skated by on a couple unremarkable performances the past couple of weeks, but the fact remains that he possesses a dynamite voice. Danny is a rock, and I like being able to rely on him to bring a sold showing week after week. MARRY.
Adam Lambert, 26 (Los Angeles)
Judges swooned over his acoustic version of “Tracks of My Tears” by Smokey Robinson and The Miracles (another great song … I liked Motown Week, no surprise). Said Simon Cowell: “You, tonight, really have emerged for me as a star.” Adam is really bringin’ it. MARRY.
Anoop Desai, 21 (Chapel Hill, N.C.)
I like that Anoop has turned it around because I like Anoop. I’ll stick with him for that reason alone, because otherwise he is a No. 8 seed battling No. 1s. DATE.
Scott MacIntyre, 23 (Scottsdale, Ariz.)
Scott’s vocal ability is subpar. Period. How did he get this far? You have to be as blind as Stevie Wonder to miss his lack of star quality. And yes, my derisive jokes will only get nastier until this bum gets the boot. Pack your bags, Scotty! DUMP.
Scott Fuller’s “Idol” Chatter runs every Tuesday. E-mail [email protected].
OnTV
‘American Idol’
» 8 to 9:20 p.m. today, Fox
The remaining nine finalists sing in performance showcases.
» 9 to 10 p.m. Wednesday, Fox
The finalists face elimination in a results episode.
