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As voters in Massachusetts go to the polls today to decide who will complete the late Sen. Edward M. Kennedy’s unexpired term, President Obama declared that “anything less than a 20-point win by Scott Brown represents a resounding endorsement of my entire domestic and foreign policy agenda.”
“If Brown ends up with less than 60 percent, there’s gonna be a lot of sullen Republicans, moping around, hanging their heads,” said the president to a crowd of supporters that greeted him upon his return from stumping for Democrat Martha Coakley. “Such a thin margin against such a historically weak opponent would be tantamount to a crushing loss for Scott, and would signal a clear rejection of the GOP platform in general.”
A spokesman for the Coakley campaign agreed that “the only real question now is, how embarrassing will Scott Brown’s win be?”
“Our internals show that he might eke out a margin something less than double digits,” said the unnamed Coakley campaign source, “It would be laughable if it weren’t so tragic to see all of that money and effort wasted on a shamefully small point spread.”
The White House said the president’s last-minute campaign visit to Massachusetts was not designed to bolster Coakley’s sagging poll numbers, but to give the president an up-close look at the sad state of the Republican Party and conservatism in general.
“It was really a triumphant visit, without gloating of course,” said White House press secretary Robert Gibbs, “The president packed nearly 75 percent of a 3,000 seat hall. Meanwhile, a similar rally for Scott Brown couldn’t even provide seats for everyone, and left some out in the cold … another illustration of the bankruptcy of Republican ideas and the insensitivity of a party that wants to keep health care decisions in the hands of a bunch of sick people and greedy doctors.”
Examiner columnist Scott Ott is editor in chief of ScrappleFace.com, the world’s leading family-friendly news satire source.
