their lives, lupus, brain tumor, pancreatic cancer,” Rodney McGill said before the hearing.

When asked if he had anything to say for himself, McGill maintained his innocence.

“I’m not guilty of anything. This courtroom has been deceived. I shouldn’t have been charged. What law did I break? I’m out of the box; I’m smarter than them.”

When the judge began to explain his decision, McGill turned his back and said “just give it to me.”

So the judge did: Twenty years in prison.

He’s not dead, just a slob

The awful stench coming from a Queens apartment was so foul that cops thought they would find a body inside, the New York Daily News reported.

Instead they found 69-year-old tenant Ming Li Sung, who was very much alive, but living in what appeared to be a landfill, with trash piled from floor to ceiling.

When the hazmat crew started to move the garbage, cockroaches poured into the hallway. Police began to throw up.

Sung, 69, was taken for psychiatric evaluation. He does not face any charges.

Monkey see, monkey deny

A Phoenix man claimed he was not the driver behind the wheel of a car that’s received 37 camera-enforced speeding tickets. Dave Vontesmar says it was the driver wearing a monkey mask.

“Not one of them there is a picture where you can identify the driver,” Vontesmar told the Arizona Republic. “The ball’s in their court. I sent back all these ones I got with a copy of my driver’s license and said, ‘It’s not me. I’m not paying them.’ ”

The fines could exceed $6,500.

But police said a special task force sat outside Vontesmar’s home and watched him drive to work. “We watched him four different times put the monkey mask on,” Officer Dave Porter said. “We were positive that Vontesmar was the driver.”

The North will rise again

Pennsylvania State Police charged a self-proclaimed Civil War buff with accidentally firing a 2-pound cannonball through the wall of a neighbor’s home.

William Maser, of Georges Township, says he was firing a cannon when the ball ricocheted and hit the house about 400 yards away.

Nobody was hurt by the cannonball, which slammed through a window

and a wall before landing in a clothes closet.

Jelly jerk

A drunk man was arrested after pretending to drown in the Gulf of Mexico so he could throw jellyfish on teenagers.

Police in Florida said Keith E. Marriott, 41, a brokerage firm worker, had been drinking for hours before he repeatedly submerged himself and floated to the surface. When kids swam to rescue him, he showered them with the stinging sea creatures.

Marriott was charged with disorderly intoxication.

— Compiled by Scott McCabe.