Son of a gun A 21-year-old Milwaukee man apparently thought it would be funny to wear a ski mask and pretend to rob his mother when she got home. Apparently, the mom didn’t get the joke and she shot him in the groin with a .357 revolver. The man’s injuries were serious, but he survived. He told police that he was only pretending to rob his mother.
Faith-based bathroom break
A Miami (Ohio) University student confessed after he was caught in an alley urinating on holy ground.
When officers asked 19-year-old Jacob Pleban whether he realized he was whizzing on a Methodist church, Pleban replied, “I’m Catholic.”
Pleban was charged with public urination, disorderly conduct and underage intoxication.
Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!
A North Carolina man was sentenced to three days in jail for violating probation by leaving the state to appear on “The Jerry Springer Show.”
Richard Peterson’s probation officer spotted him on the TV program. Peterson, 30, and his girlfriend got an all-expenses-paid trip to Connecticut to appear on “Springer,” where Peterson boasted about a one-night stand with a stripper. Police said a video clip showed Peterson dodging swings from his girlfriend. While the couple fought, the stripper started twirling around a pole. The stripper and Peterson’s girlfriend then turned on each other.
Peterson was on probation for possession of marijuana and resisting an officer.
Top Chef: Buffalo edition
Police in Buffalo, N.Y., arrested a man after they found a live cat “marinating” in oil and peppers in the trunk of a car.
Officers heard the cat meowing when they stopped Gary Korkuc, 51, for allegedly running a stop sign.
They checked the trunk and found 4-year-old Navarro in a cage, his fur covered with oil and crushed chili peppers.
Police say Korkuc told them he was going to cook Navarro because the cat was ill-tempered. Korkuc also told officers a number of things that didn’t make sense, including that his neutered male cat was pregnant.
Should have gone with Pol Pot
A 42-year-old Omaha, Neb., man busted for growing marijuana inside his home allegedly told police he had a valid reason. Officers said Darin Badam admitted that the marijuana was his, but said Adolf Hitler made him grow it.
The excuse didn’t get him out of his felony arrest.
If we don’t do it, the terrorists win
A North Dakota man is facing felony charges after coming up with the most outlandish excuse to get his ex-girlfriend to have sex with him.
After breaking up with his girlfriend, 18-year-old Ryne Anderson told his ex that his life was in danger. He claimed that drug dealers were watching both of them and that their lives were in danger unless certain demands were met.
To save herself and her family, the girl agreed to sex on two occasions. She later told her family. Authorities charged Anderson with sexual imposition and terrorizing.
You’re in, we’re out
A Florida man was arrested for spraying deer urine inside a bar and causing a stampede to the exit.
The odor smelled like something had died, Jacksonville police said. Joshua Aaron Brunke, 26, told police he got the liquid from a friend named Ricky, who offered him $20 to spraying it inside the bar, called In Cahoots.
Brunke was charged with disorderly intoxication and public disturbance.
Losing on a peel
A Washington state man in a banana costume was accused of exposing himself and brandishing a shotgun while riding around with a bunch of friends.
The costumed man exposed himself at a restaurant, then drove around a neighborhood with a man and woman, waving the weapon.
After his arrest, the man couldn’t explain why he was in a banana suit. Police arrested the other man, but the woman was allowed to split.
The banana costume was seized as evidence.
Dial ‘M’ for moron
A Florida woman was arrested after repeatedly calling 911 to report a lost cell phone.
Okaloosa County sheriff’s deputies said the 51-year-old woman kept dialing the emergency number to report that her husband had taken her phone and would not return it.
When a deputy returned to the woman’s home a second time and arrested her, he found the cell phone in her jacket pocket.
Do not pass ‘Go’
A Wichita, Kan., man was beaten by drug dealers after he paid for crack cocaine with Monopoly money.
The man, who was bleeding from the head when police pulled him over, said he had bought the crack weeks before and that the dealer was only now taking revenge.
The man refused to identify his attackers, but police spokesman Gordon Bassham said officers continued investigating.
“That was not a get-out-of-jail-free card,” Bassham said.
Slumped at the pump
Three men who allegedly used a van with a false floor to siphon fuel from an underground gas tank were busted after one of them passed out from the fumes.
Phoenix police believe Robert Jeter, Jarad Desanti and George Brabakos, all in their 30s, had siphoned 200 gallons from a Circle K when the clerk received an alarm that the tank was losing a large amount of fuel.
Police found Jeter unconscious in the van. The other men were outside.
This guy needs an oil change
A 55-year-old Kansas City man who repeatedly has been caught naked and covered in corn oil keeps slipping away.
Three times in three years, police pulled over Larry D. Booker and found him in various stages of undress — and glistening with oil. Each time, police received a complaint from women who said they were flashed by a man wearing a robe who appeared oily or, as one woman described, “shiny.”
Booker was convicted each time but he failed to show up for court and is a fugitive from justice. He has told police he put on oil because his skin was dry.
Friends in LoJack places
A New York man tried to explain away his ankle monitor by claiming it was worn in solidarity with troubled actress, Lindsay Lohan.
U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers said they found the bracelet around Eugene Todie’s ankle after he tried to re-enter the United States from Canada using someone else’s passport. They said he’s on probation for criminal contempt and not supposed to leave the country.
Todie told them a probation officer friend gave him the bracelet to wear in support of Lohan, who is scheduled to begin a 90-day jail sentence next week.
A friend with weed is a friend indeed
A man in Florida admitted to police that a bag of marijuana hidden in his buttocks was his, but swore that the lodged bag of cocaine belonged to someone else.
During a traffic stop, police searched Raymond Stanley Roberts, 25, and felt a soft object in his buttocks. Roberts volunteered to retrieve the object, and pulled out a plastic bag of marijuana.
But when a bag of 27 pieces of rock cocaine also fell to the ground, Roberts allegedly said: “The white stuff is not mine, but the weed is.”
He said the cocaine belonged to a friend who had borrowed his car earlier.
Wedding crashers
A South Carolina boater was arrested after he waved his private parts at a wedding, police said.
Downing Deese, 26, was in a boat when he yanked down his swimsuit and exposed himself to a wedding taking place on the river bank.
The father of the bride told the judge at a hearing he had just walked his daughter down the aisle when Deese ruined her wedding day.
“They were exchanging vows and we had the disgusting experience observing this individual try to destroy our wedding,” he said.
According to police, Deese said the mere fact there was a wedding gave him the motivation to expose himself.
Ouch!
A 44-year-old New Mexico woman ripped her daughter-in-laws nipple off during a drunken brawl, reports the Las Cruces Sun.
Sometime after 3 a.m., the victims husband started arguing with his mother, and because it was becoming very intense, the victim went to stand in between the two to separate them.
The older woman grabbed [the victims] right breast and began to squeeze and pull on her nipple, police said. She continued to pull until the younger woman began punching her in the face.
When the younger woman later untucked her tank top, her nipple fell to the floor. The victim put the nipple in a bag and, after several hours, decided to go to the emergency room.
