It was just a matter of time. After living in the spotlight for 22 years and inching toward another presidential bid, Hillary Clinton is finally the subject of a full-length novel.
But it’s not what her adoring fans or the campaign-in-waiting group Ready for Hillary will want to read. That’s because she gets the full conservative treatment in Snatching Hillary, A Satirical Novel, by pundits Dick Carlson and Bill Cowan.
The story line: Men impersonating Secret Service agents kidnap Clinton before the New Hampshire primary, hoping she loses. In captivity, she is whiny and mean to the men she believes are real agents. She wins the primary, buoyed by a huge sympathy vote, but eventually drops out of the race, not feeling it worth the trouble. MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow steps in and wins the presidency.
In pulling from news stories and rumors about the former first lady, the authors leave no stone unturned. For example, in the book Clinton carries Beano tablets for gas and hubby Bill Clinton is with another woman when Hillary is kidnapped from a posh Georgetown fundraiser.
“Bill doesn’t want Hillary hurt; he wants her to come home safe and healthy, just not too quickly,” they write, adding that Bill Clinton refers to his girlfriend as “his Friend with Benefits.”
Even the Obama’s are included, with first lady Michelle Obama being appointed attorney general by her husband.
Cowan told the Washington Examiner that the goal was to write a book for “middle America” about the non-public Hillary, which he described as self-centered and dismissive of those not in her inner circle.
It doesn’t touch on the current issues swirling around Clinton, like Benghazi. “We left all of those things out because what we really wanted to do was paint a little bit more of a picture for the common reader about who Hillary is, what kind of person she is,” Cowan said.
His conclusion: “She’s a pretty despicable woman.”
Paul Bedard, the Washington Examiner’s “Washington Secrets” columnist, can be contacted at [email protected].
