Melania Trump explained in a recent interview why she wore a jacket emblazoned with the words “I Really Don’t Care. Do U?” when she traveled to Texas to visit children who had crossed the border and been separated from their parents. Unlike her spokesperson, she was quite honest about why. She said she had used the jacket to convey a message to critics in the media and elsewhere.
Admirable though her candor was, what she said was troubling.
When someone goes to such great lengths to say they don’t care, chances are they really do. And as a very successful international fashion model who was highly paid to get people to pay attention to what she was wearing, Mrs. Trump was more than a little disingenuous when she asked people not to pay attention to what she wears and instead pay attention to what she does. She knows the importance and influence of attire, and that what she wears is a big part of what she does.
Her contention that she is among “the most bullied people on the world” was simply ridiculous. Maybe she does not understand what bullying is. A bully is someone who uses superior strength or influence to intimidate someone to force him or her to do something. Mrs. Trump lives in palatial splendor, has unlimited financial resources, and is protected by the most highly regarded security apparatus in the world. Who has superior strength or influence? What has she been forced to do?
She has sometimes been inaccurately portrayed and unfairly criticized, and that is wrong. She has also been libeled. But she has not been bullied. Saying so does a disservice to people who have.
Those two missteps notwithstanding, the most disturbing thing Mrs. Trump said in her interview is that her husband often ignores her advice. That is probably a mistake on his part.
Melania Trump is most certainly not the first first lady to seek to influence her husband. And Donald Trump is not the first president to ignore his wife’s advice.
Nancy Reagan was well known for telling her husband what she thought and what she thought he should do. Sometimes he listened and sometimes he did not. As sharp as Ronald Reagan’s instincts were, Nancy’s were sharper. For example, it was she who urged her husband to tone down the harsh rhetoric about the Soviet Union and seek a more cooperative path. He listened and eventually developed a relationship with Mikhail Gorbachev that resulted in an historic arms reduction treaty.
She also persistently pushed him to fire White House chief of staff Donald Regan after the Iran-Contra scandal. Reagan, who disliked confrontation, resisted at first, but she did not give up. So relentless was she that her husband sharply told her to get off his back, but he eventually saw the wisdom of his wife’s suggestion. Some believe he saved his presidency by jettisoning Regan for the indisputably honorable Howard Baker. Sometimes Mrs. Reagan did not prevail. When it was clear that Robert Bork could not be confirmed to the U.S. Supreme Court, Mrs. Reagan unsuccessfully pressed the president to withdraw the nomination, but Ronald Reagan could be stubborn and loyal to a fault, and stuck with Bork until he was rejected by the Senate — an avoidable embarrassment.
Some have criticized Mrs. Trump for not taking advantage of her unique platform to be more active on behalf of an important social cause. They point to Jackie Kennedy’s support for the arts, Rosalynn Carter’s advocacy for mental health, Nancy Reagan’s campaign against youth drug abuse, and Barbara Bush’s championing of literacy, among others, as recent examples of first ladies using their position to cause a bright light to shine on worthy causes.
But Mrs. Trump has what is arguably an even more important mission — raising an adolescent child. Take it from me, that’s not easy for anyone, and one can barely imagine what it must be like in the fishbowl that is the White House. Still, she finds time to show compassion for children around the world, and to advance her “Be Best” campaign. For that, she deserves our admiration.
For the most part, Melania Trump came across as an intelligent, strong, reasonable, and compassionate woman with good instincts and a kind heart. While she was discreet enough not to identify the matters on which her husband rejected her advice, it’s probably a safe bet that, had he heeded her, he (and we) would have been better off.
Mark Weinberg is the author of Movie Nights with the Reagans (Simon & Schuster). He served as special assistant to the president and assistant press secretary in the Reagan White House.
