In a rare good decision, the European Union parliament voted on Wednesday to allow the use of phosphates in kebab meat.
Because phosphates keep kebab meat fresher and tastier for longer, the legalization will allow kebab shops to provide a more enjoyable product at lower prices. Without phosphates, a doner kebab is relatively tasteless and appears unappetizing: the meat looks like a thin, shriveled tongue.
Put simply, this decision is good for European consumers and for their economies.
Yet it’s especially good news for one specific type of European: those who tend to drink a little too much on a night out.
Although it’s leaving the EU in 2019, Britain provides a stellar example of the kebab’s role in civil society.
On any Friday or Saturday night out in a British town, you’ll find a long line of hungry citizens queuing up for their Doner kebab sandwiches. From midnight to bar closing times, you’ll see these kebab queues grow immediately and immensely. Of course, sometimes the less well-bred of European citizenry will resort to violence in an attempt to acquire their kebab in short order.
Regardless, across Europe, millions of young men and women should celebrate this victory for the world’s greatest pre-emptive weapon against hangovers.
