Memorial Day was first recognized as a holiday, honoring those who died in service to a grateful nation, in 1868. By 1869, according to Time Magazine’s Merrill Fabry, Americans “were already seeing that the ‘joy’ side of Memorial Day was beginning to outweigh the remembrance [side].”
The occasion’s somber purpose has been further co-opted with the passage of 150 years. The Memorial Day of the present is a three-day weekend of blowout sales and raucous start of summer celebrations. Perhaps the cause is the growing divide between civilians and servicemembers, or perhaps because commemorating the dead can seem a dour task when the world has returned to life after a long winter, many Americans prefer to spend Memorial Day sans tribute.
Plentiful local, national, and worldwide military cemeteries, museums, and battlefields exist where Americans can spend Memorial Day in deep reflection. More communal Memorial Day activities, like the Monday morning ceremony and concert at Arlington National Cemetery, or Sunday’s National Memorial Day Concert on the Capitol’s West Lawn broadcast live on PBS around the country, also serve to preserve the day’s intended focus.
But for those who choose to spend the day in celebration at home, at the beach, or at the park, an American military tradition known as the Missing Man Table can provide insight on creating space for reverence in the midst of our joy.
I first encountered the powerful tradition at a formal Army ball, while gallivanting with my civilian and military coworkers. Our once rowdy room came to a sudden, reverent silence when our master of ceremonies read through a description of each ceremonial adornment atop the Missing Man Table. When the festivities recommenced, the earnest memoriam lent our gathering a striking depth which had previously been absent.
According to the Naples Museum of Military History, the tradition of the Missing Man Table can be traced back to the Vietnam War. It has come to serve as “the focal point of ceremonial remembrance” at important military events throughout the year as a dedication to the captured, fallen, or missing servicemembers whose absence is never far from the hearts of those who served with them, and those who love them.
The table’s small size is symbolic of a prisoner’s isolation, while its round shape signifies the endlessness of concern those who remain feel for those they have lost. A white tablecloth represents the missing individual’s pure intentions when they took up arms for their country. A vase with one red rose symbolizes the blood shed to secure America’s freedom, as well as the family members awaiting the return of their loved one. A yellow or red ribbon recalls the love of country which led the missing to serve, and a lit candle is meant to light their path home.
The Missing Man Table once included a Bible to recall the faith which buoys both the missing, and those who hope for their return. Today, Bibles are often left out of the display, to avoid offending non-Christians, or inciting legal challenges. (According to a federal lawsuit filed in early May against a New Hampshire veterans hospital, where a Missing Man Table displays the Bible of a captured prisoner of war who served in World War II, the presence of the Bible violates the First Amendment.)
Though typically set for one, the table may also be set for six, representing the nation’s five armed services as well as civilians who lost their lives alongside servicemembers during war. Atop each plate, a slice of lemon reminds onlookers of the “bitter fate of the missing,” while a sprinkling of salt signifies the tears shed by waiting family. An empty chair, an upturned glass, and often a head cover serve as a reminder that those who are not present cannot join in the festivities.
The profuse symbolism of the Missing Man Table can provide a wealth of inspiration for those Americans who want to add depth to their Memorial Day celebrations. Simple yet meaningful dedications, like a single or a half-dozen red roses in a vase tied with a yellow ribbon, or a candle lit from morning until evening, can help us recall those who gave their own lives to preserve our incredible freedoms.
Just as the table’s purpose is described in detail at every ceremony where it is present, we must explain our own tributes. This could involve printing a short dedication describing to friends and family the meaning behind the symbols we employ, or even delivering a special toast or prayer that pays homage to the sacrifices made by America’s fallen heroes, who ran toward struggle and adversity out of a deep love for their country and for their fellow servicemembers.
Fun and frivolity have become a permanent fixture of Memorial Day, but by taking time during our celebrations to acknowledge the day’s gravity, we can imbue our holiday gatherings with meaning and purpose.
Let us also recall, after Memorial Day passes, that we need not shelve our gratefulness. We can, and should, weave acts of remembrance into everyday practice, to demonstrate our unequivocal gratitude to the service members who, with admirable bravery and fortitude, risk their lives and their own freedoms for the freedom of our great nation.
Beth Bailey (@BWBailey85) is a freelance writer from the Detroit area.
