Feminists must identify their true oppressor

Just before winter break, my two sons, 8 and 13, started sitting down to pee. This happened out of nowhere, a sudden absurdity, and when I asked them why, their reply was that their school had told them that this was a matter of respect for themselves and their surroundings.

I assumed this was another one of those childhood misunderstandings, so at drop-off the next day I took a few minutes to speak to the teachers and straighten the whole thing out, forgetting for a minute that in this day and age reality is far stranger than fiction.