Like most people on the right side of the political spectrum, I have several friends and family members who support, to varying degrees, Donald Trump’s bid for the presidency. And like many on the center-right, I find it upsetting that people I care about identify as Trump supporters.
What gets me most upset is seeing people of genuine religious faith and personal decency attracted to a man who embodies the antithesis of what it means to be a Christian and a decent human being.
That said, I get, or at least I think I get, what attracts many of these friends and acquaintances to Trump: To oversimplify, they’re upset because they feel they’ve been left behind economically and culturally, and abandoned politically. Trump seems to be the only one willing to speak up for them and look out for their interests.
But I’ve known more than a couple friendships that have broken up, and others that have frayed, over Trump. Much of this fracturing has taken place over social media.
This begs the question: Can friendships survive the age of Trump?
Peter Wehner, a senior fellow at the Ethics and Public Policy Center, took to the op-ed page of the New York Times over the weekend to explore this question.
Wehner describes relationship-ending email exchanges, increased tension and loss of respect. He also describes being attacked by pro-Trump friends who criticize him for his “anti-Trump ‘screeds.'”
Wehner mostly describes fallouts between conservatives who are involved in politics — journalists, pundits, etc. Quoting C.S. Lewis, he argues that these friendships are more likely to fall apart because these types of friends are used to standing “side by side, absorbed in common interests, seeing some common truths. When these common truths become competing truths, a distancing is inevitable.”
Such distancing is not uncommon even among people who are not involved in politics. I have seen decades-long friendships break up over politics — not just politicians like George W. Bush, Barack Obama and Ron Paul — but also important political issues, such as abortion, race relations and Israel.
This certainly didn’t start with Trump. But the Trump phenomenon has taken things to a new level, and it’s testing friendships over issues where no tensions previously existed. Trump has a rare ability to inspire both admiration and disgust. He’s got an army approaching ten million loyal voters, but he also has some of the highest unfavorables in the history of polling — certainly the highest among top-ranked presidential candidates.
I don’t think any of my relationships with pro-Trump friends will be affected very much by this election. Most of the relationships I truly care about are rooted in things much deeper than the politics of the moment. And I agree with Wehner when he says that when political differences shatter friendships, “it usually means politics has become too central to our lives.
Also, I value such friends not despite our political differences but in part because of them. And I believe that when meaningful friendships are destroyed over politics, something valuable is lost.
Friends whom I respect and love but who differ from me politically provide something unique: They help me to understand. To be friends with a Trump supporter forces me to go beyond the caricature of a Trump supporter to discover what truly informs his support. And it forces me to try to reconcile two very different conceptions of my friend — one, the Trump supporter whose political views I find grossly misinformed; and two, the respected friend whom I love.
Again, this phenomenon is not unique to friends who support Trump. I’ve experienced the same thing with supporters of Obama and others. And I’m sure many of my friends have done the same with me and some of my outlandish political views.
Mr. Wehner does a much better job of explaining all this than I do, and I encourage you to read his piece.
Daniel Allott is deputy commentary editor for the Washington Examiner
