One week Monday, it’s Labor Day. But if you haven’t already made plans for the national holiday, I suggest you visit a workers’ paradise abroad.
In doing so, you’ll learn the beauty of central government and organized labor.
First up, Venezuela. Endowed with the world’s largest oil reserves, this socialist kingdom offers particularly impressive services to its workers. Here, trash cans are the favored restaurants; thus offering a sustainable way of reducing waste. That said, it’s important to book your trash can reservation early. If you don’t, someone might get it before you.
You can also rely on a world class health service if you get poisoning from slightly overripe food. After all, Venezuela’s hospitals are leading innovators in the provision of care. Rather than waste money on medical supplies, drugs, and treatments, Venezuelan hospitals cut costs by requiring patients to bring what they need to the hospital. Sure, that means some people die from not being treated, but it also means shorter waiting times for the rest of us.
Venezuela is also a model in other ways. Ever notice how the U.S. Congress struggles so much to get legislation passed? Venezuela doesn’t have that problem anymore. In order to overcome the tedium of democratic accountability, President Nicolas Maduro recently ended gridlock by replacing the congress with a new legislative body that supports him … er, workers rights, that is. Sure, they might not be fairly elected, but members of this auspicious legislature know what’s best for their people.
For folks who prefer a slightly cooler workers paradise, there’s North Korea.
Visiting North Korea is technically illegal for Americans, but hopefully that will change soon. Because this land of “Juche” — independence from foreign nations — is a citadel of original beauty. Yes, Pyongyang and other North Korean cities might look drab and desolate at first glance, but their residents seem to consider themselves very fortunate. They gave 88 percent of their Parliament’s seats to the party of (and this is his official title) the Dear Respected Comrade Kim Jong Un, Chairman of the Workers’ Party of Korea, Chairman of the State Affairs Commission of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea and Supreme Commander of the Korean People’s Army. That’s an endorsement if ever I saw one!
And if you fancy an adventure, North Korea also offers a grand opportunity to try out rural living. You might, for example, visit one of the nation’s many chic gulags. Again, don’t be deceived by the dour guards and torture — these citadels of re-education are crucial to helping confused individuals better lives. They are also great places to lose weight.
Perhaps you want to go somewhere a little bigger? In that case, I’ve got the perfect option: China!
Sure, the ruling communist party might not be terribly honest in its dealings with other countries, or terribly consistent today in its commitment to socialism, for that matter. But no government is perfect. Yet because the Chinese government doesn’t waste resources on hundreds of millions of rural peasants, it can use those funds to ensure the best workers get the best deals. Learning from post-Soviet Russia, Chinese politicians work hard to give big contracts to the best workers and the best communists. And you shouldn’t worry about the rural poor — some workers are simply more equal than others. Good government is about making good choices on where to prioritize the people’s resources.
China also leads the way in criminal justice. In this land of justice, criticizing the beneficent workers party is dealt with swiftly and resolutely. And China has no problem with “fake news” because reliable foreign sources of information are blocked over the internet. When all news is fake news, no news is fake news.
Whichever workers’ paradise you visit this Labor Day, spare a thought for your fellow Americans back home. They will be suffering in a society rife with backward ideas about freedom of speech, private property, and trusting individuals to shape their own destiny.
