A lot of Americans are deeply disappointed that Sen. John McCain wasn’t elected to the Presidency. Even though most reliable polls predicted this outcome, there are surely deep reserves of bitterness, disbelief, and raw anger.
Will Republicans avoid giving in to the worst of human impulses and deal with the loss in positive ways? I propose the following guidelines for doing so.
1. Know when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em.
Kenny Rogers’ advice in “The Gambler” (written by Don Schlitz) couldn’t be timelier. Now that the final ballots have been cast and the winner has been announced, Republicans – as well as Libertarians, Greens, and others who lost – would do well to accept reality and move on. Wishing the outcome were different can never make it so, and peace of mind is possible only when we accept reality. Yes, it’s tremendously hard to do this, but what’s the alternative?
2. Lose with dignity.
Anyone can win well. However, it takes a person of great integrity to lose gracefully. Those who didn’t triumph should demonstrate their deep humanity by resisting the temptation to lash out. Yes, this defeat is upsetting, even crushing, but it is a sign of maturity and decency to grin and bear it. Privately, you can complain all you want. Publicly, there are better ways to spend your time and energy.
3. Manage your anger.
It is human to feel anger, but it’s self-defeating and wrong to let it get the best of you. There are better and worse ways of dealing with the negative emotions that follow loss. Talk with a trusted advisor, such as a minister, rabbi, or therapist. Work out hard. Meditate. There’s nothing worse becoming obsessed with hostile thoughts, since it does nothing for the target of your anger and serves only to drag you down.
4. Plan your strategy.
Just because Barack Obama won doesn’t mean you won’t be able to achieve the social and political goals you believe are important. Now is the time to start mobilizing for the soon-to-be-changing political environment. Start a blog. Join a like-minded group. Write your congressional representatives. If you have never been politically active beyond going to the voting booth every couple of years, do it today.
5. Most of all, build, don’t destroy.
It is in your own interest to find creative ways for moving beyond your loss. The single best way to do this is to work within the system to bring about the change you want. Heading off to a cabin in Montana or a quiet community in Canada for good isn’t the answer; escape never is. The only path to getting what you want is to make use of all of the institutions democracy affords.
As Mick Jagger sang in “Let’s Work”:
“Don’t waste your energy
On making enemies.
Just take a deep breath
And work your way up.”
Our true character is revealed by the choices we make under pressure. Just follow Sir Mick’s suggestion – and start planning for 2012.
Dr. Bruce Weinstein, aka “The Ethics Guy,” writes the ethics column for BusinessWeek Online. His latest book is “Life Principles: Feeling Good by Doing Good.”
