Like any red-blooded American, I enjoy participating in many of our nation’s cherished traditional pastimes, including baseball, barbecuing, outlet shopping and griping about people who drive sport utility vehicles. Of course, nowadays, more Americans are driving SUVs than ever before, so it’s important to be careful what you say.
Employee: “Man, I hate those giant SUVs. I almost got into an accident today because I was parked between two of these monstrosities in a ‘compact only’ spot at the mall.
“I mean, how big of a car do these jerks really need?”
Boss: “I have an SUV.”
Employee: “Well, naturally I’m not talking about all SUVs.
“Just those gigantic ones that look like aircraft carriers on wheels. You don’t have one of those, do you?”
Boss: “Actually, my wife and I both drive stretch Hummers.”
Which brings us to that other great American pastime: backpedaling after you’ve said something hopelessly ill-advised.
To cite an extreme example, consider the case of Mel Gibson. As you’re no doubt aware — unless you spent the last couple of weeks huddled outside Tom Cruise’s house trying to catch a glimpse of the elusive baby Suri —during a recent traffic stop Gibson launchedinto a drunken, profanity-laced, anti-Semitic tirade culminating in the Academy Award winning director referring to a female police officer as “Sugart**s.”
After sobering up, Mel released a public statement, apologizing and explaining that what he had said under the influence did not reflect his true beliefs.
Not only am I not an anti-Semite, Gibson’s statement read, but the female officer in question had, at best, merely average breasts, or something along those lines.
And while some negative nellies have refused to accept Mel’s apology, many, including eminent members of the Jewish community, have aggressively defended the embattled star.
Prominent L.A.-area rabbi David Baron even invited Gibson to give the keynote speech at his synagogue’s Yom Kippur services.
Rabbi Baron certainly deserves credit for keeping an open mind in the midst of all the controversy.
After all, who among us can truly pass judgment on anyone else, particularly based on such a short, one-time interaction?
I mean, besides Simon Cowell.
That said, I can’t help but wonder what kind of message the invitation sends, particularly to any other candidates who might have been up for consideration:
“Hello, Dr. Elie Wiesel? Rabbi David Baron here. Thanks for taking my call. Listen, I know we said we were 99 percent set for you speaking at the Yom Kippur services this year and I’m sure you would have been a great match for us, what with your Nobel Peace prize, not to mention the whole Holocaust survivor thing. But then, well, Mel Gibson went on that drunken rant about how the Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world and we decided we just couldn’t pass up the chance.
“Maybe we can reschedule you for our Hanukkah services, assuming Tom Hanks doesn’t join the PLO or anything.”
The fact that Gibson’s production company just agreed to option Baron’s screenplay about a masked crime fighter who struggles to hide his secret identity as a dashing Los Angeles-area rabbi is purely coincidental, of course.
Whatever their motives, anyone willing to give Mel the benefit of the doubt should be applauded. After all, he may be sincere about wanting to prove that his shameful comments do not reflect his true feelings about the Jewish people.
If that’s the case, don’t we owe him the chance to go to a synagogue on Yom Kippur, which is the Jewish Day of Atonement after all, and plead his case?
As long as he doesn’t drive up in a Hummer, that is.
Because some offenses are just unforgivable.
Examiner columnist Malcolm Fleschner eagerly awaits the release of Mel Gibson’s new public service announcement titled “What (Police) Women Don’t Want.”
