After the New England Patriots scammed their way to Super Bowls, quarterback Tom Brady is shifting his focus from the field to the fans. Brady has a new con and this one doesn’t involve deflated footballs or clandestine recordings of other team’s practices.
Everyone wants to know the secret of the ageless wonder with five championships, multiple supermodel exes, and a total of 40 years to his name. Brady is especially glad that ESPN asked. In an otherwise excellent profile, he plugs a routine called the TB12 Method.
The quarterback starts his day at 6:00 a.m. with 20 ounces of purified water mixed with trademark TB12 electrolytes which contain “72 trace minerals.” This makes Brady impervious from sunburn.
Then the quarterback works with personal trainer/medicine man Alex Guerrero following a trademark TB12 regimen. This makes Brady’s muscles like “beautiful tenderloins.”
Later the quarterback slathers himself with coconut oil and stretches with a trademark “TB12 vibrating sphere.” This makes Brady limber.
Finally, the quarterback heads to bed at 9:00 p.m. sharp, wearing a trademark TB12 “bio-ceramic recovery wear.” This makes Brady restful.
But one doesn’t need to be blessed with natural talent and divine strength, says the 6-foot-4, 225-pound quarterback. If you too want to win championships and win over beautiful women, all you need to do is purchase Brady’s new book, The TB12 Method: How to Achieve a Lifetime of Sustained Peak Performance.
Obviously the author of this piece makes no claims about the workout regimen of any athlete in the National Football League (I have no advice and, if I did, it probably wouldn’t be worth taking). Maybe Guerrero, the quarterback’s personal trainer, has developed a holistic method that’s helpful for players. And perhaps there is something to Brady’s routine that works for him. But otherwise this sure looks like a load of crock, a scheme to squeeze a few bucks out of gullible high-school kids hoping for NFL glory.
