Elizabeth Warren is not your bestie

In a video for the women’s magazine, Warren turns her “I have a plan for that” campaign into a refrain you might hear from your mom after you complain about boy problems. Meet Elizabeth Warren, the relationship guru.

To be fair, she gives some good advice. But then again, if a guy stops talking to you after three months, the only appropriate response is, “Dump his ass.” (Warren says as much without the language.)

Warren, a dog-owner, also knows that the best way to turn someone else into a dog-lover is to introduce them to a bundle of cuteness so that they’re not just saying no to dogs, they’re saying no to the adorable one right in front of them.

But of course, Warren moves into her political zone when a reader asks a question about paying off her student loan debt.

“I have a plan for that. And that is: We need to cancel student loan debt,” Warren proclaims. “We’re crushing an entire generation with student loan debt.”

One person even submits a question about how to take good selfies, which is ironic since Warren thinks of a selfie as any photo of yourself. For the uninitiated: It’s only a selfie if you take it yourself. Warren is a big fan of selfies, or photos of herself, or whatever. She has recently touted her selfie count as the reason she’s succeeding in the 2020 race. Womp womp.

Warren’s worst answer arrives later in the video, when someone asks, “I’ve been increasingly worried about access to abortion in the United States. Should I go ahead and get an IUD as soon as possible?”

Instead of reminding this confused woman that you should not use abortion as birth control, Warren pivots, of course, to her pro-choice talking points. It’s time to codify Roe v. Wade!

Then there’s more of the 70-year-old trying to act some 30 years younger, telling a reader to give “chocolate, brittle whatever stuff” to an upset best friend. To understate the matter, listening to Warren repeatedly say “BFF” with a straight face is not my happy place.

“Elizabeth Warren is Like that Awkward cringy Mom who tries to be cool around her teenager son or daughters friends,” said one comment on Twitter, which attracted nearly 4,000 likes.

Warren may be about as relatable as Hillary Clinton “just chillin’ in Cedar Rapids,” but women’s magazines can’t get enough of her, even if that means turning her into a woke grandma, a role that awkwardly embraces. Elle has been in love with Warren for years, repping her merch and dubbing her a “viral sensation” in 2017. “Women’s rights,” Warren warned readers back then, “are all up for grabs.”

At the end of the day, Warren is just another politician trying to act like a normal human being. But when she’s not talking about dogs and loser guys, she actually gives some pretty terrible advice.