Just a few days after my column discussing how rape accusations are rarely as black and white as some would have it, Carol Tavris publishes a fantastic piece in the L.A. Times titled “What we talk about when we talk about rape.”
Tavris breaks down the different views of both sides of the campus sexual assault debate: Those who believe 20 percent of women are sexually assaulted, and those who believe crime statistics showing much, much smaller numbers. Tavris pins the smaller numbers at 3 percent to 4 percent, but it is unclear where she gets her numbers. Bureau of Justice Statistics put the number of college women who are raped or sexually assaulted at less than 1 percent.
No matter, the point is that the number of women actually having a crime committed against them is far less than one-fifth. Tavris insists we as a society find that both sides have valid points.
“We can vigorously pursue the goals of justice for rape victims and fairness for accused perpetrators,” Tavris wrote. “We can understand that many acts of sexual assault are violent, and appreciate the subtleties of sexual communication that can create mischief and misery.”
It’s the subtleties, Tavris wrote, that are making it difficult for colleges and universities to adjudicate campus sexual assault.
“Sex researchers repeatedly find that people rarely say directly what they mean, and they often don’t mean what they say. They find it difficult to say what they dislike because they don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings,” Tavris wrote. “They may think they want intercourse and then change their minds. They may think they don’t want intercourse and change their minds.”
And yet, colleges and universities across the country are being told to determine whether such a “dance of ambiguity” — as Tavris quotes from social psychologist Deborah Davis — is indeed rape. And they are being incentivized by the federal government to find that it is.
But Tavris also reminds readers that accusations born of such ambiguity may not represent malice on the part of the accuser. In these situations, both accuser and accused are providing “honest false testimony” and both believe they are telling the truth, even though their memories and interpretations may be wrong.
“When trying to reduce sexual assault, labeling all forms of sexual misconduct, including unwanted touches and sloppy kisses, as rape is alarmist and unhelpful,” Tavris concludes. “We need to draw distinctions between behavior that is criminal, behavior that is stupid and behavior that results from the dance of ambiguity.”
Exactly.
