Miley Cyrus is all grown up. She’s married, she’s getting politically involved, and she’s thinking about kids.
And by thinking about kids, I mean she’s thinking about how not having them would be the best thing for them and the planet. In an interview with Elle magazine published Thursday, Cyrus said climate change is keeping her from having children.
Touting an apocalyptic, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez-endorsed line of thinking, Cyrus said she won’t bring another person into this world “until I feel like my kid would live on an earth with fish in the water.” (Note: Don’t mention this to any fish currently in the water. We wouldn’t want to cause unnecessary alarm.)
This argument against children is unfortunately utilitarian, if not at all uncommon among millennials. Why still bring kids into this crazy world? Maybe because the Earth has always had its trials, and the world is definitely not ending in 12 years.
The U.S. actually needs more kids to replenish its aging labor force, and, on a less utilitarian note, children are worth bringing into the world because they’re human beings.
But Cyrus’ has other unorthodox ideas about family, and her thinking about marriage may be even more perplexing than her disdain for having babies while the polar ice cap melts.
She’s married, but she’s not, like, married. You know? She’s still attracted to other people, and the word “apron” is triggering.
“I think it’s very confusing to people that I’m married. But my relationship is unique,” she said. “And I don’t know that I would ever publicly allow people in there because it’s so complex, and modern, and new that I don’t think we’re in a place where people would get it.”
Maybe if I had a veggie burger, my palate could be complex and modern. Because eating basic foods or doing the same heteronormative stuff as couples in the ’50s is definitely not OK unless you give it an update.
“I mean, do people really think that I’m at home in a f—ing apron cooking dinner?” Cyrus continued, doubtless unaware that no one ever wasted their time wondering if Cyrus’ wedding registry included a collection of aprons. “I’m in a hetero relationship, but I still am very sexually attracted to women. People become vegetarian for health reasons, but bacon is still f—ing good, and I know that. I made a partner decision. This is the person I feel has my back the most. I definitely don’t fit into a stereotypical wife role. I don’t even like that word.”
Later, she added, “‘Husband and wife’ sounds like a cigarette commercial from the ’50s to me.”
Cyrus’ interview is entirely unsurprising from what we come to know of her, and it does include an interesting discussion of her appearance on Black Mirror, which was a great move for the show. But Cyrus still has a lot of growing up to do if she’s worried that kids will wreck the planet and “marriage” is a tedious word we millennials left with our parents.
She’s obviously had a difficult time growing up with such a spotlight on her, and I don’t mean to be too harsh. But I hate to think that any fans will read the interview and think either that there’s something wrong with wanting kids or a happy, monogamous marriage (unless you can do something cool to it, like hook it to climate change or tell people it’s so advanced they just wouldn’t understand).
No one expects Cyrus to put on an apron, but what if she and her husband wanted to cook veggie burgers together? That wouldn’t be so terrible.
