Paris Fashion Week was hardly half over when we hit peak postmodernity.
This has nothing to do with thug life sunglasses, which have finally moved from meme to street style. This is about micropurses.
Jacquemus, a French label, just debuted the Mini Le Chiquito bag, an adorable accessory that is the perfect size for maybe a pair of Airpods. It makes the company’s existing 4.5-by-2-inch bags seem useful.
That timeless distiller of fashion wisdom “The Devil Wears Prada” offers some insight on the appeal of the micro bag.
“Fashion is not about utility,” one character says. “An accessory is merely a piece of iconography used to express individual identity.”
As a piece of iconography, the Jacquemus bag expresses Kardashian-level pretension. It says, “My footman carries my wallet and phone.”
From Jacquemus’ fall 2019 collection, the micro bag is not yet for sale. But slightly larger purses like it are available for $522. If you are willing to pay the price of a miniature poodle for a micro purse, here are three things you’ll be able to fit into it, although not all at the same time.
A single Girl Scout cookie
In case you get hungry, you can carry around a designer purse that hides this delicious midday snack. Then again, you could buy about 125 boxes of Girl Scout cookies for the price of one purse. So instead of investing in a cookie-carrier, you could just get more Thin Mints.
A pocket watch
You can easily carry with you a staple of the 19th century, known for its elegance and glamour and what-time-must-I-call-on-the-apothecary appeal. Too bad we didn’t have these convenient purses before the wristwatch was finally invented in 1868. They would’ve been so helpful back in the day. Speaking of innovation, do you suppose they’ll ever think of a solution to these micropurses so that we actually have space for all our stuff?
Your self respect
That’s right, buried somewhere in the purchase’s terms and conditions, a little-known caveat of the micro purse is that you lose all self-respect when you buy this bag from Jacquemus. But don’t sweat it, the company will give it back if you keep it in the micro bag, so you’ll still have it with you at all times. It just might be hard to see.
