American political discourse devolved Thursday morning into more name-calling and more threats of physical violence between former Vice President Joe Biden and President Trump, with both executives insisting that they’d have no trouble beating up the other.
That coming Oval Office cage fight is difficult to analyze.
Weighing in below 180 pounds and standing about six-foot qualifies Biden as a middleweight, making comparative speed and nimble footwork his likely advantages. But super-heavyweight Trump tips the scales north of 230lbs with sheer fast-food heft. A bear hug or a body slam could be devastating.
No matter the hype though, the executive battle royale will disappoint, not least because the fighters are septuagenarians, but because they are snot-nosed, old man wimps. The only record that gives any indication of their “athletic ability” is their determination to avoid fighting. As CNN’s Jake Tapper noted, both went above and beyond to avoid the call of duty during the Vietnam War.
Biden received five student draft deferments before using his asthma to disqualify himself from service. Trump went round-for-round with Biden, qualifying for five deferments, eventually taking himself completely out of consideration due to bone spurs in his heels.
Should the West Wing ever turn into a wrestling ring, then, the only bets worth placing would be whether the asthmatic or his opponent with delicate ankles would collapse first.
