The heroes at Borderline Bar defy ‘toxic masculinity’ and demonstrate real sacrifice

Following the tragic shooting at the Borderline Bar in Thousand Oaks this week, where 12 people were shot dead, “Good Morning America” aired an interview with three young women who made it out alive. As they detailed their harrowing tale, they couldn’t help but praise the men, complete strangers to them, who had also been at the bar and heroically shielded them from the shooter.

This young woman’s statement is remarkable: “There were multiple men that got on their knees and pretty much blocked all of us … ready to take a bullet for any single one of us,” she says, in awe.

While we look for ways to offer healing and comfort to the family members who are no doubt grieving, and the nation tries to understand why people commit such atrocious acts of violence and how we can help prevent them, it’s worth pondering this small moment of courageous humanity, and the innate differences between men and women.

I’ve not personally been in a situation like the young women in the interview have — but I can say that I’d likely be just as afraid and confused. This isn’t to say that women are weak. Many women are strong in the face of danger, particularly if she’s in a field where she’s been trained and equipped for that. However, it’s remarkable that the main thing these women wanted to relay to “Good Morning America” was not just their fear but their relief, their utter gratitude, for the humility and selflessness at a group of men who protected them to the point where they themselves could have been hurt or killed.

To that end, Sheriff Sgt. Ron Helus died of multiple gunshot wounds — a hero in the face of tragedy. Would you do this for a stranger? Would I?

In the news and especially on social media, the phrase “toxic masculinity” has been wielded like a weapon, bludgeoning nuance, the differences between the sexes, and what is expected from men and women, obliterating any possible debate or dialogue.

In a recent HuffPost article, the author, a man claimed, “Amid the Brett Kavanaugh hearings and Me Too movement, it’s time for men to confront the toxic masculinity that has sparked a national reckoning.” In the spring, CNN reported about a group of inmates fighting “toxic masculinity from behind bars.” There isn’t space to print the amount of times this phrase has been used whenever something people are uncomfortable with strikes.

To be clear: Unhealthy men live unhealthy lives. They commit more violent crime than women, more rapes than women, and are more likely to behave recklessly. While this is indeed toxic behavior, it would also be toxic if women did it. Unhealthy women also live unhealthy lives. Does this mean all men are toxic? Of course not.

But the world is not full of men who are toxic — far more are healthy, sacrificial, strong, and good. Men also contribute to this country’s economy more than women, they hold more jobs in law enforcement, security, and the military than women. They are also more likely to work in dangerous jobs and situations than women. Does this mean men, while they can be “toxic,” are also more valuable? Of course not. Women contribute in a valuable way to society as well — just in different, and often less quantifiable, ways.

Men are naturally wired to be slightly more competitive, aggressive, physical, and protective than women. This is especially the case with men who are healthy, emotionally mature, and confident in their God-given masculinity. You can always tell a man who struggles with his own nature, maturity, and masculinity because his thought patterns are full of blame, excuses, and anger and his behavior follows suit.

As I often tell my son when I see his sister bugging him or a temper starting to flare: Weak boys hit girls. Weak men hit women. I’m not raising a weak man, so he had better not act as such.

A man’s natural wiring helps him accomplish things in society we desperately need and for which we should be grateful. A boy, or a man, who is secure in who he is, not only doesn’t need to oppress a woman to make a point, but he is moved to protect her when she is in danger. This isn’t sexism, this is reality. Given how many times this country has been faced with situations where her borders needed to be secured, fires raged and needed to be extinguished or shooters rampaged and needed to be stopped, we should be thankful there have been men at the ready, whether it’s professionals or just guys at a bar, willing to protect weaker people with their own bodies.

Instead of perpetuating the myth that there is simply a blanket form of “toxic masculinity,” we as a society need to educate one another about behaviors men engage in that are actually harmful, while at the same time recognizing and praising men for things they do that are especially heroic and selfless.

Nicole Russell (@russell_nm) is a contributor to the Washington Examiner’s Beltway Confidential blog. She is a journalist who previously worked in Republican politics in Minnesota.