Released earlier this month, much to the chagrin of flatulent cows everywhere, was a proposal to commandeer and overhaul the world’s largest economy and the infrastructure supporting it. Congressional progressives’ resolution is a hodgepodge of diagnoses that purportedly all relate back to greenhouse gas emissions. Among the “crises” the resolution identifies that are tied to climate change are a supposed lack of access to clean water, a gender wage gap, and a stagnation of hourly wages since the 1970s, which is made less alarming when confronted with real income per capita average growth rate of 1.57 percent since 1970. All of these, and more, are claimed to be byproducts of climate change.

The solution, congressional progressives profess, lies in initiatives such as retrofitting all existing infrastructure, overhauling transportation methods with a focus on high-speed railways, and a national mobilization of the workforce to enable all this and more. The stated goal is to reach net-zero greenhouse gas emissions by 2030. Unironically, released along with the plan was a FAQ sheet justifying the net-zero target arguing that it might not be feasible to ground all air travel and exterminate all farting cows in 10 years. Not only that, but it specifies their desire to decommission every nuclear power plant, but is unsure that it can be done in a decade.