Time’s Person of the Year has always suffered a bit of an identity crisis. The magazine’s accolade isn’t always a good one — they infamously chose Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin (twice) — but it’s often applied in a laudatory manner. When it’s not, it’s because one person so obviously consumes the news, such as the 2016 selection of Donald Trump, to whom they granted a chiaroscuro laden cover.
This year’s shortlist is a preview not only of Time’s identity crisis but a national one. In a country so deeply polarized, with few to no common heroes or enemies, of course the Person of the Year shortlist was bound to be a mess.
There are a few nominees that could realistically work well. Mitch McConnell and Nancy Pelosi have certainly proved their political dominance, with the former’s judicial scores and the latter’s ability to presumably reclaim her seat as Speaker of the House. For both their Olympic prowess and their groundbreaking testimonies against serial predator Larry Nassar, Simone Biles and Aly Raisman certainly deserve the cover, though Time was certainly remiss in not including Rachael Denhollander and some of the other less famous victims who led the charge to destroy Nassar. But I suspect that Time ultimately wouldn’t go for it, seeing as granting it to Nassar victims would essentially repeat last year’s award to the “Silence Breakers” of the #MeToo movement.
Time featured a few nominees who could also deserve the cover, but for all the wrong reasons. Yes, Pope Francis proved wildly influential this year, specifically for his inability and potential complicity in the mass abuse poisoning the leadership of the Catholic Church. Mohammad bin Salman also caused global turmoil, but it’s not as though he’s worse than leaders in Iran or Russia.
The rest of the shortlist devolves into disaster.
No, Michael Cohen. You do not get a magazine cover for being the worst lawyer in the country and a garbage human being.
No, Carmen Yulin Cruz. You do not get a magazine cover for taking the time to resist Trump on cable news while botching the local response to Hurricane Maria almost as badly as the federal government did.
No, Meghan Markle. You do not get a magazine cover for being a beautiful but B-list actress who managed to marry upwards.
No, Cory Booker. You do not get a magazine cover for being less ruthless than Sen. Dianne Feinstein but twice as irritating. (In a yes/no poll, only 4 percent of voters say Booker should be Person of the Year. So much for Spartacus.)
No, Justin Trudeau. You do not get this magazine cover for being one of the world’s better looking prime ministers.
Other groan-inducing nominations include Planet Earth (“burned by climate change”) and Undocumented Children (yet oddly enough, not the parents who made them undocumented).
Realistically, the cover will probably go to Stormy Daniels. It’s 2018. Do you really think the year could end any less ironically?
