People in New York City, in general, have very small kitchens. It’s a big reason why New Yorkers eat out so often. A city filled with small apartment kitchens means a city filled with restaurants. Eating out in New York can be a luxurious treat. It can also be a delicious window into another culture, a way to travel around the world for the price of a subway ride. It can also be annoying as hell.

“Have you dined with us before?” is one of those questions you hear sometimes at hip, noisy New York restaurants, and the best way to answer it is to say, “No, and I’m not going to,” and then to walk out. Because what’s about to unfold is sure to be one of the most irritating meals of your life.