Experts continue to observe major headwinds facing the institution of marriage, and new survey data show that churchgoing Christians are not immune to them.
The Relationship Health Report, a collection of survey data gathered by Communio from a mix of evangelical, mainline, and Catholic churches, finds that, on average, 1 in 4 married people active in church report struggling in their marriages.
The data from nearly 14,000 active Sunday churchgoers gathered in the weeks before and during the pandemic suggest that marriage ministry is a pressing need for churches and communities across the United States.
A recent Barna survey commissioned by Communio found that 80% of evangelical, 82% of Catholic, and 94% of mainline churches allocate 0% of their ministry budget toward marriage. Just 28% of churches had something approximating a substantive marriage ministry.
Now, when diving a little deeper into the Relationship Health Report, we can see something that may not surprise many women. Married men are frequently unaware their wives are unsatisfied with their marriage.
Overall, married women are 31% more likely to report struggling in their marriage than their husbands. In some churches surveyed, women were nearly twice as likely to report struggling.
This gender gap follows what academic and government data report on divorce filings, which show that women initiate divorce filings in 70% of all cases.
Communio has seen this divide between men and women in marital well-being play out across the country in thousands of different ways. Take Chris and LaCresha, who recently shared their story with me on a storytelling show I host. LaCresha had been gradually growing more and more lonely and hurt by a lack of time and emotional connection. Chris remained unaware.
Eventually, LaCresha sought emotional escape and support through an affair. Because it was offered, they ended up joining their church’s marriage ministry, which they credit for helping save their marriage. There, they learned how to use proven communication skills to uncover and address their struggles.
Today, their marriage has been healed, and they now serve as couples mentors.
“We were not the first couple to go through this, and we won’t be the last,” Chris said. “I got into coaching to continue to pay it forward, to be that example and say, ‘Hey, nobody said marriage is going to be all fun and games.’ Marriage is for grown folks. If you want to stay a kid, don’t get married.”
For churches, focusing on strengthening marriage may be exactly what is needed to renew Christianity’s flagging state in the U.S.
A major academic survey in December 2018, the American Political and Social Behavior Survey, which Communio co-commissioned, showed that a parent’s marriage might be the leading ingredient on whether a child grows up to attend church as an adult.
With over 6,000 respondents between 18 and 60 years old, it showed that people raised in married homes across the last three generations regularly attend church at nearly the same rate.
In other words, a 27-year-old millennial, a 47-year-old Gen-Xer, and a 67-year-old baby boomer are just as likely to be sitting in the pews on Sunday if they come from a home in which mom and dad were continuously married. A millennial from a married home is nearly twice as likely to attend weekly worship than a millennial from an unmarried or divorced home.
Overall, 73% of all churchgoers under age 60 either currently single or married come from married homes, according to the survey.
Simply put, the health of the family drives the health of churches.
Fortunately, Communio is seeing churches jump in with strategic ministry. Already, churches they support have moved 20,000 people through digital date night kits while couples have been isolated during the pandemic, helping churches distribute them through social media outreach beyond their membership. The organization is helping churches replicate the model it piloted during a successful experiment in Jacksonville, Florida, where divorce rates dropped 24% in just a three-year period.
J.P. De Gance is the founder and president of Communio.
