Big Government lobbyists and entrenched bureaucrats are predictably hysterical about a common-sense congressional push to improve transparency and accountability about wasteful taxpayer-funded monkey experiments. They’re worried that once Congress sees how the National Institutes of Health squanders billions in public money each year on so much monkey business, lawmakers might tighten the purse strings.

One solution to help these monkey abusers avoid some of that pesky public accountability they despise: Find your own funding in the private sector.