Last September, I told you about my friend, Army Master Sgt. Mike Preston, and his fight against the Army’s ridiculous electronic retirement system. He sounded relieved when he was finally retired and free.
But recently, the military bureaucracy struck back. Preston and his wife needed retired-status military ID cards for accessing bases for shopping or healthcare. They couldn’t obtain these ID cards while still on base because, after separation, Preston was still using up his accumulated leave days and therefore, technically, still on active duty.
Eager to travel, Preston and his family have been living in a series of Asian countries. When he became eligible for the retired-status ID, he was in a foreign country, and called the relevant local American office. A nasal-voice government drone named Gary explained that an ID card appointment had to be made online via the portal.
Frustrated, Preston and his wife visited the office in person, only to find bored-looking Gary at the front desk. He barely looked at them. “You have to make an appointment.” There was no one else in the office.
Preston wondered why the IDs couldn’t be made immediately. “Then I’d like to make —”
“Appointments can only be made on the portal.”
Preston breathed deeply, trying to calm himself. He’d survived worse paperwork battles. “The portal has been down since October.”
“Yep,” Gary smiled triumphantly. “The system has been down.”
“Perhaps, since it’s down, I could make an appointment in person, or since there’s nobody else here, we could —”
“Doesn’t work like that,” Gary said. “Gotta use the portal.”
Master Sgt. Mike Preston has been through a minefield in Afghanistan. He’s deployed to other places I can’t tell you about. He’s done hardcore military things he can’t tell me about. But he was messed with by a bottom-level bureaucrat who never lifted a finger to defend anything. Preston was furious.
“When will the portal be fixed?”
Gary yawned. “Dunno. But you may want to set up an appointment somewhere else, ’cause there are like 200 people waiting.”
“It’s not like I could bebop down the street to another place,” Preston told me. “Next closest place is f***ing Singapore, but there you must be active duty stationed in Singapore to use the facilities. So, it’s Philippines or Japan.”
Denied an important service for no reason, Preston and his wife left. But days later, Preston found the appointment button working! Since the system won’t allow more than one service per appointment, he booked for 2 p.m. His wife at 3:30.
They arrived early. Alone in the office, Gary sighed and took out his EarPods. “Appointment only. Do you have an appointment?”
“We both do!” Preston chirped.
When Gary finally overcame his shock, he stood, stretched, and yawned. He produced Preston’s ID in 10 minutes.
“It’s up to you,” Preston said. “But I thought you might want to quit early today. Want to knock out my wife’s ID now or should we return at 3:30?”
Preston could see the wheels turning in the drone’s tiny brain. Gary hated having to do actual work for his government check, but he definitely didn’t want to be there longer than necessary. “We can do that now.” An incredible breach of procedure for someone like him!
Gary examined Mrs. Preston’s ID. “It’s still valid.”
Preston explained, “That’s an active-duty ID. We need retired cards.”
“She doesn’t need a card unless you’ll be accessing bases.”
“We’ll be accessing bases.”
Finally, Gary surrendered and worked more. Another man entered. Gary sighed. “Do you have an appointment too?” The man did. Gary handed over Mrs. Preston’s ID, and as Mike and his wife were leaving, Gary tried explaining to the newcomer, “You don’t need an ID card.”
It must have been the hardest that breathing waste of taxpayer money had to work in months. Another victory over an incompetent government system for Master Sgt. Mike Preston (retired).
Trent Reedy, author of several books including Enduring Freedom, served as a combat engineer in the Iowa National Guard from 1999 to 2005, including a tour of duty in Afghanistan.
*Some names and call signs in this story may have been changed due to operational security or privacy concerns.
