There’s probably a nicer way to put this, but I’m just going to come out and say it: People in the ancient world suffered from major anxiety disorders. It’s fashionable these days to think of the ancients as repositories of great wisdom. We’re not supposed to use words such as “primitive” and “ignorant” to describe ancient civilizations, but when it comes to solar eclipses, for instance, it’s hard not to snicker a bit at our Nervous-Nelly forebears.

The Aztecs, for instance, believed that during a solar eclipse, the sun god was being attacked by the stars of the night sky. The only way to prevent the extinction of all life on the planet was to engage in some gruesome human sacrifices. The ancient Chinese believed that solar eclipses occurred when the celestial dragon ate the sun. The Mesopotamians and the Vikings also freaked out a bit during a solar eclipse. There were festivals and rituals and sacrifices designed to avert whatever specific disaster these cultures imagined was coming when the moon temporarily — and predictably — blots out the sun for a few minutes. People in the ancient world, in other words, had zero chill.