Teenagers banned from malls without chaperones. Streets flooded with cameras to watch everyone while criminals go unprosecuted. People forced to take their tacos to go so employees don’t get assaulted. California is a bastion of wacky crime stories.

Each time one of these stories rolls by, it is hard to imagine it being topped. And then it is. So we go to Oakland, where, due to crime, Taco Bell has closed all but one dine-in location. That seems like a hard story to top, but Oakland found a way. The city has replaced the traffic lights for at least one intersection with stop signs, hanging overhead as if they were traffic lights, because why?