There is a video circulating on social media of an octogenarian woman offering her best advice. She is clad in large, chic glasses and chunky jewelry. To live her best life, she explains, a woman needs to be as independent as possible: no men, no children, lots of money, and lots of friends. As I watched, I was amazed at how compelling she was. And clearly, I’m not the only one — with thousands of comments affirming that this woman is a living sage.

I recall hearing similar advice as a teenager. It was shiny and seductively simple. The belief that I, too, could become this idealized independent woman welled up in my adolescent heart. “I don’t need anyone,” I told myself as I looked brightly toward the future and all the important things I imagined I would do.