The movie theater experience is unabashedly, even wonderfully, American. It?s materialistic and excessive.
Sure, a vocal minority might say they want something more from movies ? like enlightenment or education or sensitivity, but who needs all of that when you just want to be entertained?
Most of us go for the big explosions, the one-liners, the sexy stars and the sometimes gross-out humor.
Some of the most popular films of all time are about a farm boy caught up in an intergalactic war, a flatulent ogre, an alien who just wants to phone home and a spider-bitten nerd who swings from rooftops.
Soon, a movie about a rum-loving pirate, who sounds remarkably like Rolling Stone Keith Richards, will join them. On top of that, the second round with the “Pirates of The Caribbean” is loosely based on an amusement-park ride, much to the chagrin of critics.
The horror! They liken “Pirates” to cinematic theme parks, reminding us that we?re also supposed to feel guilty and crass if we?re so low brow we and our kids like Disney World or Six Flags or Busch Gardens. Fun just stinks.
As a culture, we might say the movies cost too much, but we?re still there every weekend, plunking down $20 for a couple of tickets and a bucket of popcorn.
Yet we?re made to feel a little guilty by newspaper and magazine critics about enjoying all of this fun.
Just take a look at the reviews for “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man?s Chest” ? a free-swinging summer flick if ever there was one.
The Examiner gave the top-grossing film this year a C-minus; The Sun gave it a D-plus. Why the plus? Good closing-credits sequence?
Nationally, critics panned the film too, with only 43 percent of the country?s most respected critics giving it a positive review, earning it a squashed tomato from Rotten Tomatoes, a Web site that compiles reviews of the industry?s most recent releases.
But, amazingly, “Pirates” raked in another $62 million last weekend, vaulting ticket sales to nearly $260 million by Sunday. Clearly, there is a disconnect between what the print critics want us to like and what the American public likes.
This isn?t something new, either. The two films in the all-time Top 10 on which critics and audiences agreed were Oscar-winners “Titanic” and “Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King.”
So, who has to change? The sushi-eating elitist newspaper and magazine reviewers or we ? the American moviegoing public ? who get popcorn kernels stuck in our teeth while we watch “Little Man”?
Sure, I love the occasional art house masterpiece, but I like to have fun, too.
I say relish the darkened lights, the overpriced candy and the soda that will have you running for the bathroom before the end of the previews.
So excuse me, Mr. Critic, while I go line up now for “Spider-Man 3.”
Give it your best D-minus. Next May can?t come soon enough.
Matt Palmer is a staff writer for The Baltimore Examiner. He can be reached at [email protected].
