During a documentary that was supposed to be about their philanthropic work, Harry and Meghan, the globe-trotting couple once known as senior royals, gave clear indications that they wouldn’t long remain in the country that made them international celebrities.
“I’ve really tried to adopt this British sensibility of a stiff upper lip,” the former actress complained. “I tried, but I think what that does internally is probably really damaging.”
Within months, Harry and Meghan got their wishes, fleeing the United Kingdom to head to their real goal, Hollywood. With the coronavirus ravaging the planet, yesterday’s Sussex spat feels even pettier than it did prior to the pandemic. And with the queen’s Sunday speech, it became even more so.
In her televised address — the fifth of her 68-year reign, not counting her annual Christmas addresses — Queen Elizabeth II spoke to Britain and, intentionally or not, the rest of the world.
“And though self-isolating may at times be hard, many people of all faiths, and of none, are discovering that it presents an opportunity to slow down, pause, and reflect, in prayer or meditation,” the queen said. “It reminds me of the very first broadcast I made, in 1940, helped by my sister. We, as children, spoke from here at Windsor to children who had been evacuated from their homes and sent away for their own safety. Today, once again, many will feel a painful sense of separation from their loved ones. But now, as then, we know, deep down, that it is the right thing to do.”
If you’ve ever partied with a Brit, you already know that the “stiff upper lip” conceit is more of a hackneyed trope than anything, but it works as shorthand for the exact virtues the queen exemplifies and extolls.
Still more Windsor than West Hollywood, Harry and Meghan have kept their critiques of the Firm sent out through envoys known as “sources close to the Sussexes,” so it’s hard to say exactly what their gripe with the “stiff upper lip” is. But between Harry’s increasing soliloquizing about mental health and Meghan’s claims that, despite being one of the most famous women in the world, no one ever asks how she is, it’s clear that they think the Palace unfeeling and the public unforgiving.
The queen’s speech contradicts that understanding and the culmination of a monarchy plagued with world wars and miscreant offspring but led by a woman worthy of her post, even at nearly 94 years old.
The queen didn’t lie to the nation and say that everything is going to be okay. She didn’t say this was easy or refuse to see her people’s pain. Instead, she acknowledged our collective suffering, and contrary to every notion Harry and Meghan seem to have, she gave us permission to feel our sorrow. And why? Not to swallow it or channel it into ridiculous fantasies, but rather to use it to empower us to get to the other side of this thing.
The coronavirus is a rare event that has led to a wartime mobilization of resources, thousands of lives lost, and millions of jobs destroyed. Even if you can work from home, your neighbors can’t. We’ve woken up in dread of our phones, frightened to hear of another friend now struggling how to make rent, or worse, in the hospital.
Sometimes you need to sob in the shower. Sometimes you need to drink wine in your pajamas or eat pasta for breakfast or maybe even do all three in one day. The “stiff upper lip” doesn’t deny that. But it does tell us that it’s no excuse to lose sight of the light at the end of the tunnel.
With Prime Minister Boris Johnson hospitalized with the pandemic and his pregnant fiancee also falling victim to the virus, the queen has once again risen to the occasion, providing moral leadership to a nation and a world looking for a way forward.
The queen is right that all of this, from closing up shop to saying goodbye to our friends and families, is the right thing to do. But she doesn’t deny that it’s hard. Because the “stiff upper lip” doesn’t tell you how to feel, but rather what you must do in spite of it. Duty called, and the queen answered. It’s only right that she reminds us why we must do the same.
