At age 50, the closest I come to interacting with actual millennials — those who in 2018 are between the ages of 22 and 37 — is when I’m around my husband’s nieces and nephews. They are lovely, accomplished people who’ve been blessed with great parents, all of whom have been married for decades. Nevertheless, the choices of these millennials as they relate to work and marriage are an enigma to the rest of us.
Indeed, these young women and men would have made great subjects for the new research at Comet, a financial intelligence company that surveyed 364 single, employed millennials about whether, and to what extent, they would put their work before their romantic relationships. The results were clear. Most of the surveyed millennials choose to delay marriage in favor of career.
“These transformative jobs were so important to Millennials,” notes Comet, “that the average respondent admitted they were willing to stay single for 11 years, delay marriage for seven years, and wait to have children for eight years if it meant scoring the right opportunities.”
Interestingly, the study also found that millennial men were more willing to make sacrifices for their careers than were millennial women. According to the research, it would take men an average raise of $21,000 to choose to delay a relationship, while women said it would take a whopping $51,000 to make the same sacrifice. The same was true for delaying marriage and kids. On average, men said a $37,000 raise would influence them to delay marriage, while women said it would take $93,000.
Other respondents said they’re choosing to remain single for different reasons, the most significant being that they’re “picky.”
So the takeaway of the Comet study is two-fold: (1) Millennials prioritize career over marriage. (2) Millennials believe they’re worthy of a flawless partner who exceeds their expectations. Both are problematic and will likely result in disappointment down the road.
Note to millennial men: If a woman is already putting career ahead of marriage and children, the chances of her magically transforming to a contented wife and mother isn’t great. Marriage-minded women — that is, women who want very much be married with kids — plan well in advance of the event itself by making choices that lead to their goal. When they’re single, their career may be a momentary focus, but it is not the be-all-end-all. It is not given more credit than it’s due. It is not their raison d’être.
Marriage-minded women also know something millennials apparently do not: that men and women do not have the luxury of mapping out their lives in similar fashion. Women have a finite period of time in which to get their work and family affairs in order, while men have time on their side. Call it unfair if you want, but that is something to take up with nature, not society.
In fact, that’s what stands out the most about millennials: they’re living as though there are no differences between the sexes at all. They are living as though couples are friends or roommates who each has a singular focus in life: their career. They are living as though this entire plan won’t change when these couples finally do marry. It is then that sex differences become glaringly obvious and whatever plans the couple made prior to marriage will likely go out the window.
I’d like to say someone should tell them about this, but I suspect many parents already have. But the other thing about millennials is that they’re extremely arrogant and aren’t known for taking advice. They’re convinced they know more than their “old-fashioned” parents, who weren’t raised in the postmodernist age. So they’re going to show them how it’s done.
I look forward to seeing how millennials plan to beat Mother Nature. Should be interesting.
Suzanne Venker (@SuzanneVenker) is a contributor to the Washington Examiner’s Beltway Confidential blog. She is an author, Fox News contributor, and trustee of Leading Women for Shared Parenting. Her fifth book, The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men & Marriage: HOW LOVE WORKS, was published in February 2017.
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