Finding out your wife has breast cancer is like a sucker punch to the face — you never see it coming, and it hurts like hell. What do you say to your crying wife who asks: “Why me?” I didn’t know anything about breast cancer. Did this mean my wife only had five years to live, less? I didn’t know, and I was scared.
When I was asked to write this piece, I must concede I wasn’t sure about it. I’m a fairly private guy and I’m not one to easily show or share emotions — I spent 18 years in the military, after all. But if my words can help another man support his wife in this battle, then writing these words will be well worth my privacy.
Recommended Stories
Picture this: You and your wife go to a medical facility to have some tests run to confirm cancer after a lump is found. After a few short hours with the doctor, everyone agrees on a lumpectomy to remove the cyst. You go to lunch, scared, but armed with information. You even start to feel like you’re coming to terms with the situation.
But like an infomercial, the cancer says, “But wait! There’s more!” The knockout blow was about to be delivered. The doctors discovered some cells that had spread and recommended we to go from a lumpectomy on the right breast to having both breasts removed — completely removed — in the span of one hour. How does this happen to someone? The woman you love is in absolute devastation. Her womanhood was about to be taken from her. All I could do was hold her, and fight back my own tears.
The surgery was scheduled for a few days later; time was of the essence. My wife was depressed for a few days, but depression wasn’t going to get her through, so I showed some tough love and got her ready for her surgery. To her credit, she never said “Why me?” again and I’ve never been prouder of her. The first days after are tough. I, as any man taking care of the woman he loves would, took care of her to the best of my ability. She had four plastic tubes attached to bags that had to be emptied of the draining blood three times a day. Talk about bonding. Eventually she was able to start her chemotherapy treatments, the worst part of the entire process. She volunteered for an aggressive treatment program. If you’re going to do it, might as well go all-out, right?
I always strive to find the positive in any situation. You may not think there is any, but there was. A benefit to the double mastectomy was there would be no radiation, just chemotherapy. Chemo can be summed up in one word: Brutal.
Her first cycle was once every two weeks and each session took about six hours. She was a walking pharmacy, taking pill after pill, and they didn’t even prevent the standard side effects — nausea, fatigue, lack of desire to eat. Slowly, as she knew it would, her hair began to fall out so we both got our heads shaved — it was the least I could do to show solidarity. Her second round of chemo was weekly treatments, and the sickness started to fade as her body adjusted. Some treatments were better than others. I was there for every one. The chemo treatments last a total of one year. She just finished up this summer and by all indications she is cancer free.
My wife is the strongest woman I have ever met or will ever meet. She is winning the battle against this horrible cancer, and I couldn’t be prouder of her. She inspires me every day, and I’m glad I was a part of her struggle. You live, you adapt and you overcome. I hope my story will help any man in this situation. Feel free to contact me at [email protected] at any time.
Aaron Smalley is an active duty Navy chief petty officer who lives in Pasadena with his wife, Kristina, and their daughter Emma.
