When the financial crisis of 2008 roiled the American economy, children now in kindergarten had not yet been born. MySpace was still the world’s largest social networking site. People were still watching “Lost,” in the vain belief that the plot was actually going somewhere. People outside of government still used Blackberries. The Philadelphia Phillies were good, and the Seattle Seahawks were wretched. Jon and Kate Gosselin were still married.

You get the picture — that was a really, really long time ago.