Facebook wants to help you find love.
Imagine the social media network functioning like the matchmaker in Mulan. She’s in it for the money, she’s the only one who understands the arbitrary rules, and she may not be your cup of tea.
But Bumble, Hinge, Tinder, and all of those plebeian dating apps that don’t allow you specifically to stalk your Facebook and Instagram friends might need to watch out. The social media giant launched Facebook Dating in the U.S. this week, so now bashful lovers of all ages can take advantage of its virtual safety net.
The app connects users with each other like other dating apps do, but it has one added bonus: the “secret crush.” This feature sounds like something that would be scribbled on a note in middle school and not embedded into the offshoot of a multi-billion dollar corporation. But it fits the aesthetic of a dating program based on a social media app known for helping users stalk each other. As Facebook explains:
Welcome back to middle school?
If other dating apps connect users primarily with people they don’t know, Facebook means to distinguish itself by taking on the role of the benevolent third-party in real-life relationships. This used to be the kind of matchmaking for which friends were responsible. Now, Facebook wants to set you up.
The company is not so unreasonable in thinking that it can take over the role of friends in inducing romantic relationships. In fact, the internet has already done so. As recently as 1995, a newly published study says, one-third of heterosexual couples met through friends. Today, a plurality of couples meet online.
The study, “Disintermediating your friends,” was conducted by researchers from Stanford University and the University of Mexico. It found that almost 40% of couples in the U.S. met online. The next most popular ways were at a bar/restaurant (27%) or through friends (20%). Since 1995, every category has dropped except for meeting in a bar/restaurant (19% to 27%) and online dating (skyrocketing from 2% to 39%).
If more people are meeting online, of course Facebook will be happy to facilitate their connections. One concern, though, is whether we really should trust Facebook with more of our private information. An author at Mashable writes, “with the company’s track record of both intentionally harvesting and accidentally revealing sensitive user data, why would anyone entrust one of the most personal things about themselves — their love lives — to freaking Facebook?”
Another question Facebook Dating raises is what it could mean if we trust Facebook to take the role once played by friends and family. Its system may not be a bad thing, but it could also be a cop-out. What if, instead of slowly discerning the feelings of a potential partner, à la Pride and Prejudice, people simply let Facebook tell them whether or not their attraction is reciprocated?
We’ve already seen this with other dating apps, of course, but Facebook Dating’s “secret crush” system specifically undercuts the role of both mutual friends and honest, IRL discussions. Imagine Mr. Darcy selecting Elizabeth Bennett as a secret crush and eagerly checking his phone for her response.
Today, one-fifth of Americans still meet their partners through friends, so real-life matchmakers aren’t all bad. But if we don’t want to lose our ability to rely on friends for advice or to trust ourselves to be honest with each other about our feelings, we might not want to leave the job to Facebook.
